Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 12 Nov 03)

Really Bad Signs That You've Lived a Past Life

Every time a fire truck or ambulance goes by I want to chase it. I was either a dog or a lawyer. (bchbums99@cox-internet.com)

You can't drink tea on a cruise ship..you keep throwing it over the side. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Already consumed doesn't count.

You're the original owner of a 28 A.D. chariot. (Pootybrew@earthlink.net)

How comest thou doth suspectith mine origin? (monetmonet@artlover.com)

I try to part every body of water I see. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM) You must be a hoot at pool parties.

Your irrational fear of the bubonic plague and Mongols. (Omegamagezero@aol.com)

IRS is taxing you as your own dependent. (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

In traffic, other drivers keep yelling, "Jesus Christ!" at me. (StanYan1@aol.com) No, this would mean you are probably driving in front of me.

You're no longer invited on camping trips because as soon as the fire is built, you start screaming, "I'm not a witch!" (lacee7700@aol.com)

You suddenly have déjà vu and remember that none of your entries you submitted got picked in your last life either! (dzed68@yahoo.com) But I picked this one, so obviously the paradox will rip through the very fabric of space-time, destroying us all. Congrats!

You keep getting emails that guarantee to "increase the size of your codpiece". (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

Someone mentions surfing, and all you can think of is subjugating your peasants. (spamalope@access4less.net) I'd hate to hear what you think when I mention "peon".

What else could explain the punishment you receive in this one? (changetion@yahoo.com)

When you drink Napoleon brandy you have a tendency to hold your hand in your vest. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Well, DUH....that's where I hide my brandy-flask!

During science class the teacher shows a picture of a Neanderthal man, and you blurt out, "His name is Oontah and the bastard stole my spear." (Truckerex@wmconnect.com)

The winners:

Only one thing worse than this...not being your young self any more...

Shirley MacLaine keeps leaving you voicemails to tell you that "You're not your old self" anymore. (randy.renner@juno.com)

"What's the weather report for today, Brutus?"

You finish every sentence with "Hail Caesar!" (scalpel@aol.com)