Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 14 Aug 03)

Really Bad Ways To Remember Elvis On The 16th
(Topic inspired by

Remembering on the 17th. (

Carpet Swatches + Elmer's Glue = Instant Sideburns ( ...unless your carpet is plaid...

Hang a picture of him above your toilet. (

Rip-off Lisa Marie's secure info on the Internet and order fried banana sandwiches for the entire world. ( The sad part is...even if this happened, she'd still have more money than me.

At 2:30 pm...everyone flush their toilets to remember (

Amphetamines, a .44 Magnum, and a vulnerable television--a recipe for birthday fun! ( Eh, sounds like an average Saturday to me.

Rent "Love Me Tender", and invite the 62 year old widow across the street, to your bachelor pad, for coffee. (

Enter a short-lived, yet famously notorious marriage with Lisa Marie as an obvious and transparent ploy to hide your true sexuality and perversions from the rest of the world. Say, nobody else has done this, have they? ( Well, David Gest and Liza WILL be available shortly.

Take the day off from being cruel to my wife. (

Stop Lisa Marie before she sings again. ( Could be worse...she could try her hand at acting, too!

Go to a local beach with a pretty girl and a banjo. Take turns playing with each. (

Running naked through the streets at rush hour shouting, "I am the King resurrected! Behold! My mighty scepter!" ( Mighty Scepter? Even Harry Potter had a bigger wand!

Belching to the tune of "Hound Dog." (

Go out and have drinks with him (sure I know where he is... the aliens told me). ( And afterwards we'll "probe" that whole theory about his death?

Buy a round of bacon grease shots for the bar. (

The winners:

With a diet like that, I'd die on the toilet, too!

Eat a grilled peanut butter and banana sandwich. Or, eat 30 of them. (

Hmmm...wrong vault here...

Geraldo Rivera, a shovel and a film crew. (