Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 14 Feb 03)

Really Bad Excuses to Get Out of Moving Furniture

God forbids the moving of heavy objects from one place to another in the Old me, it's in there. (

The recliner told me if I touched it, or any of its friends, then it would claim my first born. (

My father was molested by an ottoman. ( No problem...we won't make you move anything made in Turkey.

Let's not move, honey..I'm getting kinda attached to downtown Baghdad. (

I am a member of the Cobweb Preservation Society and it goes against our charter. (

Just can't find the love in a loveseat. ( Wasn't that a Barry White song?

The dog chewed up my furniture moving shoes. (

I'd love to....unfortunatley I got a life last week so I can't. (

Sorry..I really wood like to help you move the furniture, but I'm just knot in the you can beech all you want..but I'm, just gonna' sit here on my ash! (

Don't touch me -- I'm sterile! ( Whoa, Art Carney visits my website!

My spine never really developed, sorry. (

You haven't studied the "Mobile Home" section of your "Feng Shui" course yet. (

Sorry, I can't that Saturday, because I don't like you. (

How can I move the La-Z-Boy if I'm taking a nap on it?! ( A La-Z-Boy occupied by a...nah, too easy.

Whoa!!!! Don't people do that for a living? (

I have a rare disorder called "Sucker"tosis and the doctor says I need to start saying NO! (

Say you have some exotic disease like "Lady's Polio." ( Don't worry, I have some old elixir that claims it cures that...and Dropsy.

It's more feng the shui it is. (

Brings back too many memories of all the times you did their spouse on the couch. (

It will cause flashbacks from a really bad one "nightstand" from my past. ( Okay, you win the pun contest this time around.

I'll get the wheels and stuff that falls out. (

Are you mad? During an orange terror alert? (

Due to an old football injury, I block imaginary tackling dummies when I hear the words: "On three". ( It's okay, Mr. Namath, you just sit right here and relax.

When I come home drunk, I might fall down where the couch used to be. (

The winners:

How "shui"-t it is...

Feng shui says it's fine right there. (

You aren't related to Elizabeth Taylor are you?...

It's bad luck. The last 4 times I helped move furniture, my Grandmother died. (