Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 14 Jul 03)

Really Bad Signs Your Computer Is Possessed

It operates the way it was INTENDED to. (motorbreath2000@netscape.net) Yes, now THAT'S scary!

"Possessed" isn't the problem. REpossessed is the problem. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

When you push 'enter' and the earth splits open under your house. (MrDelbo@aol.com)

The blue screen of death now says "Die, User, Die" (changetion@yahoo.com) For me, that's not so unusual...

The daily AOL poll reads as follows: How deeply do you worship Satan? a. With all my heart and soul. b. Just enough. c. Not sure. ( YEEOOWWW!!! ) (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Some animated maze with brick walls keeps coming on every time I don't do anything for 5 minutes. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)

You have to get a rabies shot because your mouse bit you. (Hollinsgirl76@aol.com)

Hey, stop talking to the TiVo for a second so can submit an entry. . . (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com) No, that's just because your TiVo is possessed...trust me on this one.

Thanks a LOT! Now how am I supposed to take over the minds of America's youth, huh?!? Jerks... (comedian2000@hotmail.com)

Somebody - or some thing - just reset my password to "p0lterge1st". (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

When I send REBA entries in, a box pops up saying "Leis will think that's funny, but Cad won't even get it." (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net) Yay! I get to be the evil one...for once.

Well I know it is a Dell, but every time I go to switch it off I notice that there's a faint red "vil" after the "De" in Dell. (dannyboy4343@aol.com)

Goes to porn sites on its own - honest, Honey! (archerjoe@hotmail.com; kaylor@mail.com)

System shutdown sound has been mysteriously changed to say "What are you doing Dave?" (Mistahtom@aol.com) Silly you, that's because it was possessed by HAL...not HELL.

The screen saver keeps telling me to kill my family. You wouldn't expect that from a screen saver entitled "Puppies & Kittens." (Truckerex@wmconnect.com)

Not sure if anyone else has this, but along the top of my keyboard there's an F666 button. (dannyboy4343@aol.com)

Your screen saver is Steven sayin' "Dude, you're goin' to Hell!" (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

Every time I hit delete one of my kids disappears. (mykehalpinstudio@aol.com) Are you sure that that's a "bad" thing?

Are computers supposed to scream when you run the virus scan? (Truckerex@wmconnect.com)

Whenever you log on to the Internet it proceeds to say, "You've got demons." (Shanman452@aol.com)

Instead of spam offering to enlarge my penis, I get spam offering a slow painful death and an eternity in Hell. (FreeLooseDirt@sbcglobal.net) Welcome...you've got malevolent forces at work!

Images just show up from nowhere ....oh, wait ....someone said those are popup ads. (TZMAC@aol.com)

When, every time you sit down at it, your woman's head starts spinning around...to see if you are looking at porn. (tackajoey@aol.com)

The only resolution you can set for your monitor is 666 X 666. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

The winners:

You should have figured this one out, considering Hell does have those "Gates"...

It carries the mark of the beast, you know, "Microsoft". (kaylor@mail.com)

I knew I was in trouble when the user's manual was titled "Necronomicon":

Only music it ever plays is "Helter Skelter". (Seeker@vcoms.net)