Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 15 May 03)

Really Bad Signs Your Spouse Might Be Having An Affair With An X-Man

SHE'S the one with claw marks on her back. (

Keeps reminding me that mutants don't need Viagra. ( Had I known all the kids in High School were complementing me when they called me one...

I didn't mean to cause a flap, I was JUST saying ...... I think men with wings look sexy. (

She doesn't just have headaches -- she has episodes of psychic trauma. (

When their idea of sexy lingerie is blue and yellow spandex. ( A few strategically placed bulges don't hurt, either.

If she's dating an X-man, she'd be my X-wife. (

Their bedside reading suddenly becomes titles such as "How to Drive a Mutant Wild in Bed." (

The fire department is called to free your frozen tongue from between her legs. ( Hey, didn't I see this in A Christmas Story?...Nah.

An old ticket voucher for a flight to Sweden stapled to a "paid in full" doctor's bill -- and both for somebody named Harr(iet). (

Phone rings late when all world crises have supposedly been solved. (

When she farts at night she lights up the room. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM) Awwwww, how romantic!

Wife keeps singing "Come on baby light my fire"...and she's never even heard of The Doors. (

Your spouse asks you to attach Ginsu knives to your fingertips for foreplay!!!! ( First it was the food this?!

Scans the yard for nitecrawlers..but never goes fishing. (

Every time they "stay late at the office" thunder clouds appear and it rains. ( Kinda gives "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head" a whole new meaning...

The headboard on your bed looks worse than the cat's scratching post. (

The winners:

Well, it's probably all for the best...she's lost her "mystique" anyway...

A note saying she's leaving you because you're not "adamantium" enough in bed. (

But none stuck in her teeth, I hope:

You find blue fur in the back seat of her car and under her fingernails. (