Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(Updated 15 Sep 05)
Really Bad Things To Read In Your Fortune Cookie
(Topic suggested by RWich928@aol.com)
'The cookie you just ate was poisoned, ha ha. I hate you.' --The Cookie Guy (email@example.com)
Put all your money and jewelry in the hollowed-out eggroll and no one gets hurt. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Hope you're not allergic to cats. (Kamasushi@gmail.com)
1986 will be your best year yet! (email@example.com) Speak for yourself...I got married that year.
Learn Chinese: Fat American Pig [insert symbols here] (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Look down....MADE YA LOOK! (email@example.com)
You will lose at ReBa, today. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Ooh, that was so psychic, it was EERY!!!!
"You couldn't wait to break it open until you got home, could you, schmuck?" (HerzogVon@aol.com)
A subpoena. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)
You feel lucky today. Next time, try eating a restaurant whose employees wash their hands. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Fortune cookies never tell the truth. (But does this mean that this one is telling the truth? mmm, paradoxical) (email@example.com)
Spit on by #43 (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Getting the runs from Moo Goo Gai Pan means you have more room for Lemon Chicken. (email@example.com)
The number for Poison Control. (firstname.lastname@example.org) ...or possibly worse yet...
If you have ingested this product accidentally contact the C.D.C. Atlanta, Georgia... (email@example.com)
You will never win any prizes on HMO. Thank your lucky stars! (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)
"Good afternoon, Mr. Phelps...the future of the free world is in your hands..." As you are reading this, the waiter hands you a large manilla envelope. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
You will need good bathroom reading material in the next five minutes. (email@example.com)
Gas Prices will continue to rise. - Your lucky numbers 3.99 4.99 5.99 - (DaJakAiss@optonline.net) Chinese food and gas? Nope, no connection between those two things...
You will soon find things looking up. From the bottom of the lake. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Made from recycled toilet paper. (email@example.com)
You left the stove on. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Yeah...no one irons anymore.
This pork should be used by 9/1/2004. (email@example.com)
Your fiancee will reveal that she's the only member of her family who has consistently remained outside the walls of a mental institution. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Last Week's winning lotto "Lucky Numbers" (L1061S@go.com; RasGold@aol.com)
The key to a healthy life is to eat more Chinese food. (I got this one once, I swear!) (Kamasushi@gmail.com)
This space for rent. Call 1-800-FORTUNE (email@example.com) At least it didn't say www.GoldenPalace.com.
What are ya' lookin' in here for? If you want a fortune, go out and get a job! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
Made in China....1933 (firstname.lastname@example.org) Oh man, I hope that's an address.
If no give waiter tippee, you no get pill for poisoned fishee!! (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)
You just consumed enough MSG to paralyze a moose. (MrglsJon@aol.com)
**You are the Lucky Winner of a FREE Colonic Irrigation!** (email@example.com) Your choice...sweet and sour sauce or hot mustard.
You will enjoy eternal life, and so will your mother-in-law. (DaJakAiss@optonline.net)
Confucius say: Ever notice how 'botulism' doesn't rhyme with anything? (Kamasushi@gmail.com)
Your soul mate will leave you but you will soon find a cell mate. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Look on the bright side...you'll be getting more sex than ever.
Let's put it this way: automobile brakes are highly overrated. (email@example.com)
Ancient Chinese secret, huh...
You get 2 fortune cookies, the first one says "Bless you" the second one says "AHHHCHOOOO!!" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Great...just my luck...I get the Chinese Hallmark wannabe guy...
The trouble with a kitten is that- it provides fewer portions than a cat. (NonComposmentiss@aol.com)