Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 15 Sep 05)

Really Bad Things To Read In Your Fortune Cookie
(Topic suggested by RWich928@aol.com)

'The cookie you just ate was poisoned, ha ha. I hate you.' --The Cookie Guy (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

Put all your money and jewelry in the hollowed-out eggroll and no one gets hurt. (candaceelder2002@yahoo.com)

Hope you're not allergic to cats. (Kamasushi@gmail.com)

1986 will be your best year yet! (atwright73@yahoo.com) Speak for yourself...I got married that year.

Learn Chinese: Fat American Pig [insert symbols here] (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

Look down....MADE YA LOOK! (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

You will lose at ReBa, today. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Ooh, that was so psychic, it was EERY!!!!

"You couldn't wait to break it open until you got home, could you, schmuck?" (HerzogVon@aol.com)

A subpoena. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

You feel lucky today. Next time, try eating a restaurant whose employees wash their hands. (holtbolt@comcast.net)

Fortune cookies never tell the truth. (But does this mean that this one is telling the truth? mmm, paradoxical) (phil82@blueyonder.co.uk)

Spit on by #43 (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

Getting the runs from Moo Goo Gai Pan means you have more room for Lemon Chicken. (guitartexn@aol.com)

The number for Poison Control. (paracletus3@earthlink.net) ...or possibly worse yet...

If you have ingested this product accidentally contact the C.D.C. Atlanta, Georgia... (edprocoat@msn.com)

You will never win any prizes on HMO. Thank your lucky stars! (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

"Good afternoon, Mr. Phelps...the future of the free world is in your hands..." As you are reading this, the waiter hands you a large manilla envelope. (phaartking@yahoo.com)

You will need good bathroom reading material in the next five minutes. (candaceelder2002@yahoo.com)

Gas Prices will continue to rise. - Your lucky numbers 3.99 4.99 5.99 - (DaJakAiss@optonline.net) Chinese food and gas? Nope, no connection between those two things...

You will soon find things looking up. From the bottom of the lake. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

Made from recycled toilet paper. (murdoctor@aol.com)

You left the stove on. (mimsydivine@earthlink.net) Yeah...no one irons anymore.

This pork should be used by 9/1/2004. (lacee7700@aol.com)

Your fiancee will reveal that she's the only member of her family who has consistently remained outside the walls of a mental institution. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

Last Week's winning lotto "Lucky Numbers" (L1061S@go.com; RasGold@aol.com)

The key to a healthy life is to eat more Chinese food. (I got this one once, I swear!) (Kamasushi@gmail.com)

This space for rent. Call 1-800-FORTUNE (murdoctor@aol.com) At least it didn't say www.GoldenPalace.com.

What are ya' lookin' in here for? If you want a fortune, go out and get a job! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Made in China....1933 (jdcoops3@aol.com) Oh man, I hope that's an address.

If no give waiter tippee, you no get pill for poisoned fishee!! (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

You just consumed enough MSG to paralyze a moose. (MrglsJon@aol.com)

**You are the Lucky Winner of a FREE Colonic Irrigation!** (sheafitz1@netscape.com) Your choice...sweet and sour sauce or hot mustard.

You will enjoy eternal life, and so will your mother-in-law. (DaJakAiss@optonline.net)

Confucius say: Ever notice how 'botulism' doesn't rhyme with anything? (Kamasushi@gmail.com)

Your soul mate will leave you but you will soon find a cell mate. (dennisilvr@aol.com) Look on the bright side...you'll be getting more sex than ever.

Let's put it this way: automobile brakes are highly overrated. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

The winners:

Ancient Chinese secret, huh...

You get 2 fortune cookies, the first one says "Bless you" the second one says "AHHHCHOOOO!!" (nstn@statefarm.com)

Great...just my luck...I get the Chinese Hallmark wannabe guy...

The trouble with a kitten is that- it provides fewer portions than a cat. (NonComposmentiss@aol.com)