Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 15 Sep 05)

Really Bad Things To Read In Your Fortune Cookie
(Topic suggested by

'The cookie you just ate was poisoned, ha ha. I hate you.' --The Cookie Guy (

Put all your money and jewelry in the hollowed-out eggroll and no one gets hurt. (

Hope you're not allergic to cats. (

1986 will be your best year yet! ( Speak for yourself...I got married that year.

Learn Chinese: Fat American Pig [insert symbols here] (

Look down....MADE YA LOOK! (

You will lose at ReBa, today. ( Ooh, that was so psychic, it was EERY!!!!

"You couldn't wait to break it open until you got home, could you, schmuck?" (

A subpoena. (

You feel lucky today. Next time, try eating a restaurant whose employees wash their hands. (

Fortune cookies never tell the truth. (But does this mean that this one is telling the truth? mmm, paradoxical) (

Spit on by #43 (

Getting the runs from Moo Goo Gai Pan means you have more room for Lemon Chicken. (

The number for Poison Control. ( ...or possibly worse yet...

If you have ingested this product accidentally contact the C.D.C. Atlanta, Georgia... (

You will never win any prizes on HMO. Thank your lucky stars! (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

"Good afternoon, Mr. Phelps...the future of the free world is in your hands..." As you are reading this, the waiter hands you a large manilla envelope. (

You will need good bathroom reading material in the next five minutes. (

Gas Prices will continue to rise. - Your lucky numbers 3.99 4.99 5.99 - ( Chinese food and gas? Nope, no connection between those two things...

You will soon find things looking up. From the bottom of the lake. (

Made from recycled toilet paper. (

You left the stove on. ( one irons anymore.

This pork should be used by 9/1/2004. (

Your fiancee will reveal that she's the only member of her family who has consistently remained outside the walls of a mental institution. (

Last Week's winning lotto "Lucky Numbers" (;

The key to a healthy life is to eat more Chinese food. (I got this one once, I swear!) (

This space for rent. Call 1-800-FORTUNE ( At least it didn't say

What are ya' lookin' in here for? If you want a fortune, go out and get a job! (

Made in China....1933 ( Oh man, I hope that's an address.

If no give waiter tippee, you no get pill for poisoned fishee!! (

You just consumed enough MSG to paralyze a moose. (

**You are the Lucky Winner of a FREE Colonic Irrigation!** ( Your choice...sweet and sour sauce or hot mustard.

You will enjoy eternal life, and so will your mother-in-law. (

Confucius say: Ever notice how 'botulism' doesn't rhyme with anything? (

Your soul mate will leave you but you will soon find a cell mate. ( Look on the bright'll be getting more sex than ever.

Let's put it this way: automobile brakes are highly overrated. (

The winners:

Ancient Chinese secret, huh...

You get 2 fortune cookies, the first one says "Bless you" the second one says "AHHHCHOOOO!!" (

Great...just my luck...I get the Chinese Hallmark wannabe guy...

The trouble with a kitten is that- it provides fewer portions than a cat. (