Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 16 Jan 04)

Really Bad Ideas for Putting the Spark Back in Your Love Life
(Topic suggested by

A romantic dinner for two at "Friendly's". (

You take your wife up to Sears and have them hook her up to the "car diagnostics" machine to see if it's really just a "spark." (

Submit a picture of yourself to be used by HMO for "Photolaughs". ( Who knew one day this would come back to haunt you.

Moving into the Playboy Mansion. (

Sex with any kind of kitchen object. Lets face it, women want to get OUT of the kitchen. ( Darn, guess I better put back the Cuisinart.

Strip her down naked, send her into the woods, and play "fox hunt". (

Genetically engineered bioluminescent genitalia. ( Sounds "fishy" to me.

You can't afford the Paris Hilton video, so watching The Simple Life will have to do. (

Using a Champion spark plug as a butt plug. ( If I am not mistaken, this just might be our first "butt plug" entry at HMO...I don't know if that is a good or bad thing.

Damn, who found out I named my poodle Spark ?? (

Cuddle up together on the sofa and watch some of the good old porn movies on TV, "The French Connection"..."The Big Red One"...and of course, that real zinger, "The Magnificient Seven". ( Or my personal fave, "Joy Ride"...

Candle light...bubble bath...champagne...nipple battery...~bzzt~bzzt~!BZZZZT!~ (

Switch hands. (

One hungry dog, one jar of peanut butter, and two open minds. ( I just can't help wondering if the dog's is the other "open mind" or if there is also someone else in the picture.

Getting a friend in to show "how its really done". (

Write to women in prison. (

Install Carnival Funhouse mirrors on your bedroom ceiling. ( Better than role-playing as the "Guess Your Weight" carny!

Jalapeño flavoured condoms. (

Okay, you be George W. Bush, and I'll be the economy. Now screw me! (

Taping a picture of Britney Spears over the headboard. ( That would be a bad sign...a worse sign would be...your wife's the one who taped it there.

Being honest with one another. (;

Making up new pet names for each other like, "Lazy, Fat TV Addict," or "Lifesucking Ice Queen." (

The winners...

Hey, if I wanted to be traumatized, I would've gone to Rosie O'Donnell's Broadway show...

Watch the world news. If nothing else, maybe you'll cling to each other in horror at what's happening out there. (

Not only would this provide some might be the last time you ever try anything...

Take her to a strip club and tell her if she looked like those girls, you would nail her more often. (