Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 17 Dec 05)

Really Bad Signs Your News Anchor Just Isn't Perky Enough

She doesn't annoy me. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Despite changing his last name to Upupandawaaaaay, he's still often mistaken for Hugh Downs. (archerjoe@hotmail.com) Funny, that's MY nickname at viagra.com!

Ends each night with, "That's the news this evening. I'm heading for the mothership!" (candaceelder2002@yahoo.com)

They've called in Al Gore to "Spice things up a little" (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

You aren't certain that she does, in fact, have teeth. (atwright73@yahoo.com)

Drool on the anchor's copy. (shep@compascable.net) Or just a half-hour long Listerine Breath Strips commercial...you be the judge.

This is the same guy who fell asleep during live coverage of Hurricane Katrina. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

Ben Stein is "Mr. Excitement" in comparison. (jdcoops3@aol.com)

Just the fact that as of her last face lift she is talking through her vagina is enough to rule out perky. (edprocoat@msn.com) That explains her bad breath problem...

Her segway to Sports and Weather is ..... "and now some other *yawn* crap you might wanna know..." (holtbolt@comcast.net)

Ratings swing up during the Toilet Brush commericials. (deweywins@yahoo.com)

She wears heavy black eye shadow, a spiked dog collar, black nail polish, and signs off the newscast with, "remember, suicide is a perfectly valid alternative." (tpanner@hotmail.com) "...and that's the way it was."

The empty Percocet prescription in the anchor's dressing room. (shep@compascable.net)

The coffee he is drinking stirs more than he does. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Broadcasts used by four out of five town dentists as a natural anesthetic. (maxcel200@aol.com) Ironically,my new dental headgear works as an antenna whenever I have an appointment.

You remember George Fawcett and James Mason? Well, they aren't nearly as stoic. (Hey, it was your ReBa, remember?) ;) (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)

Buzzard perched on top of green screen waiting for show to end. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

A tenth of a second passed without her saying anything at all. (tpanner@hotmail.com) I know what you're all thinking..."When did Cad get a job doing the news?"....just stop it.

Even with HDTV I can't see her nipples. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

The station throws in archival segments of Huntley and Brinkley just to liven things up. (monacof@bellsouth.net)

The winners:

Our top story-newsman puts self to sleep on air!...

It's Ted Koppel's hair and Donald Trump's face. You tell me if that's perky or not. (timamod@aol.com)

But which is older...them or the TV you're watching him on?...

When he's on you have to adjust your TV's horizontal to vertical. (maxcel200@aol.com)