Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(Updated 17 Dec 05)
Really Bad Signs Your News Anchor Just Isn't Perky Enough
She doesn't annoy me. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)
Despite changing his last name to Upupandawaaaaay, he's still often mistaken for Hugh Downs. (email@example.com) Funny, that's MY nickname at viagra.com!
Ends each night with, "That's the news this evening. I'm heading for the mothership!" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
They've called in Al Gore to "Spice things up a little" (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)
You aren't certain that she does, in fact, have teeth. (email@example.com)
Drool on the anchor's copy. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Or just a half-hour long Listerine Breath Strips commercial...you be the judge.
This is the same guy who fell asleep during live coverage of Hurricane Katrina. (email@example.com)
Ben Stein is "Mr. Excitement" in comparison. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Just the fact that as of her last face lift she is talking through her vagina is enough to rule out perky. (email@example.com) That explains her bad breath problem...
Her segway to Sports and Weather is ..... "and now some other *yawn* crap you might wanna know..." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Ratings swing up during the Toilet Brush commericials. (email@example.com)
She wears heavy black eye shadow, a spiked dog collar, black nail polish, and signs off the newscast with, "remember, suicide is a perfectly valid alternative." (firstname.lastname@example.org) "...and that's the way it was."
The empty Percocet prescription in the anchor's dressing room. (email@example.com)
The coffee he is drinking stirs more than he does. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Broadcasts used by four out of five town dentists as a natural anesthetic. (email@example.com) Ironically,my new dental headgear works as an antenna whenever I have an appointment.
You remember George Fawcett and James Mason? Well, they aren't nearly as stoic. (Hey, it was your ReBa, remember?) ;) (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)
Buzzard perched on top of green screen waiting for show to end. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
A tenth of a second passed without her saying anything at all. (email@example.com) I know what you're all thinking..."When did Cad get a job doing the news?"....just stop it.
Even with HDTV I can't see her nipples. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)
The station throws in archival segments of Huntley and Brinkley just to liven things up. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Our top story-newsman puts self to sleep on air!...
It's Ted Koppel's hair and Donald Trump's face. You tell me if that's perky or not. (email@example.com)
But which is older...them or the TV you're watching him on?...
When he's on you have to adjust your TV's horizontal to vertical. (firstname.lastname@example.org)