Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 17 Mar 03)

Really Bad Signs Your TiVo Hates You

Replaces all dialog with Gilbert Gottfried voice-overs. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

Your "Wishlist" search results turn out to be 40 hours of television evangelists with big hair. (rose_justice@msn.com)

Invites your Mother over for dinner and a chick flick. (shlpr9@hotmail.com)

You tape < An evening with the Boston Pops > and it spits out < HeeHaw the Reunion > (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com) To this day, I have a phobia about people jumping out of cornfields...

It's convinced my refrigerator and microwave to turn against me. (laugh@starpower.net)

You set it to save your favorite show and it spouts all kind of profanity about your mother. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 (seeker@vcoms.net) Hey, no fair...how come my TiVo doesn't have a clock??

The mysterious "season pass" of the Anna Nicole show. (amfpsych@hotmail.com)

It only records episodes of "Small Wonder" and "Punky Brewster". (RodentsRred@hotmail.com)

It will only record infomercials for the JuiceMan. (Divadelb523@aol.com) O.J., or that weird old guy?

Switches to Golden Girls while your at a peak watching "Junior Cheerleaders Locker Room Whipped Cream Revenge". (shlpr9@hotmail.com)

It won't let you zap the commercials...AND it plays the annoying ones by the local used car emporium at double volume. (kirstennetsrik@yahoo.com)

24 straight hours of The Amazing Pasta Pot infomercials. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com) Yes, the only pot that actually holds more food than what you can logically put in it...c'mon who boils 57 eggs in a 3-qt pot?

Stops recording just when the detective gets everybody into the same room. (seeker@vcoms.net)

If you play it backwards, it gives a graphic description of your death via electric shock. (rose_justice@msn.com)

When you turn it on, you get a message on the screen demanding your wife hold the remote instead. (Profishgyd@aol.com)

Nothing but Martha Stewart Living and HGTV has warped my brain. The other day I caught myself trying to make a decorative planter out of a pot roast. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

I programed it for "Buffy", you know the vampire girl, but all I got was reruns of some fat guy named Mr. French. (guitartexn@aol.com)

Always slapping you around for making fun of his brother Michael. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com) Um, that's TITO, not TiVo...

Every time you try to find a show with some pu**y in it, all you get is "Animal Planet." (Truckerex@wmconnect.com)

You gotta help me... it's taking over my computer too. It even stops me from completing my ent (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

The winners:

Especially those "dates" you've had...alone...

When you have a first date over, the TiVo starts showing clips of previous dates. (Profishgyd@aol.com)

With my luck, this will be the only channel I can get in Vegas:

Regardless of what you program it to tape, it only records Mexican Soap Operas, which, by the way, have something to do with a guy named Juan and at least two women named Maria. (kamasushi@aol.com)


Well, Leis is heading out to Las Vegas tomorrow...and when he comes back later on this week we shall update...so ReBa will be a little delayed, pending how hungover...I mean... jet-lagged, Leis is.