Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 17 Mar 05)

Really Bad Signs Your Workplace is Monitoring Your Emails

Memo saying that you've been fired ends up in your Spam folder. (Just the boss's idea of a joke.) (HerzogVon@aol.com)

They take your mouse and put it under quarantine. (elonalee@aol.com)

Your boss is from Nigeria and his family is in a financial crisis! (noveed@yahoo.com) No, he's from NIAGRA...you just fall for everything sent to you...and he knows it.

When I log on to AOL I hear "You had mail!" (Eleman8859@aol.com)

Along with your paycheck is not only one of your jokes; but a pink slip. (WJKbase@aol.com)

I can tell the blonde has been editing them by all the white-out on my screen. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com) Is that the same blonde who had to replace her typewriter after failing to write "Happy Birthday" on my cake?

My order from Victoria's Secret isn't secret for long. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

If the frickin' CAMERA in the break room doesn't give you a clue, nothing will! (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

Your special edition CSI hat that you forgot to send your e-mail entry to win for, is being worn by the guy in the cubicle next to you and it has your name on it. (watch4whales@yahoo.com) You know - this sounds way too sad not to be true.

Please disregard this entry. It was determined to be too hilarious by corporate security. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

You hear someone shout "AM NOT!" the second you send your buddy an email stating that your new supervisor is a real jackass. (half_cowgirl_half_angel@yahoo.com) Pfft. Like THAT was a valid reason to fire me!

Dave keeps telling me, "your HMO entry was MUCH funnier than the ones they picked to post!" (mimsydivine@earthlink.net)

Your boss mistakenly calls you by your IM handle. (kamasushi@aol.com; razcactus@netzero.com)

Days after winning your first e-mail worthy HMO contest, you see your boss's address after a ReBa and Top Ten entry. (jygirl8@aol.com) Hey, as long as they're funny, I'm GLAD they are reading your mail...I wish everyone in your office did!

Instead of calling you a SOB your boss now calls you a UNFUNNY SOB! (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

Every time you mention your company's secret XXXXXXX program, the I.T. Manager, XXXX XXXXXX, happens to stroll by your desk within 5 minutes and asks you if your XXXX XXXXXXXX XX XXXXXXX XXXXXXXX. (razcactus@netzero.com) That just xxxxx'ed my xxxxx bone....

You keep hearing: "Outbid again, eh...loooser!" (maxcel200@aol.com)

He can spell "origami" and just commented on how cute my plastic candy cane martini glass looks on my desk... (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com) Show off. Oh wait, what AM I thinking???

You get what looks like spam offering free porn, and inside the message only says, "Get back to work, Bill, you friggin' perv." (dart270@geocities.com)

My W-2 included my RA Points total. (fparsons@yahoo.com) Pretty pathetic that the economy is THIS bad.

That girl you met through personal ads suddenly emails you with, "I'm sorry, but Human Resources just told me you don't make half as much as your last email claimed." (dart270@geocities.com)

The winners:

You think I was porn yesterday?...

Porn today, gone tomorrow! (maxcel200@aol.com)

Yeah yeah...I have it on good authority you work out of your HOME... ;)

The ones sent to HumorMeOnline.com are mysteriously being intercepted, resulting in a conspicuous absence from the winners pages. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)