Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 17 Nov 03)

Really Bad Excuses For The Way You Look At Your High School Reunion
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I was just trying to express school spirit. You mean 'Fat Housewife' wasn't our mascot? (

I'm two-faced and...and I brought the wrong one. ( Was this Michael Jackson's class reunion?

I accidentally hit myself in the face with a sharp stick. Several times. (

My dog ate my exercise program. (

No sex since high school will do this to you. ( Yeah, tell me about it....we're seated at the "40ish virgins table"....

I've been chosen for the "Extreme Makeover" TV I'm prepping for the "Before" photos. (

I'm in the witness protection program and this is my disguise for the evening. (

I'm in "Jerry Springer: The Musical". ( Wow, you are "Third Pathetic Dejected In-bred Lover", too?

My seventh wife was a middleweight boxer. (

I ignored my muscles and they went away. (

Remember when Shelly Morgan was Miss Oakdale County? Well, I was Miss Diagnosed. ( What a coincidence...I was Miss Fortunate, 32 years running.

The invitation said hair was optional. (

Mom is still dressing me in the morning. ( Maybe you should try out for "Jerry Springer: The Musical"?

I was held at gunpoint. They were crazy. "Eat all the ice-cream in the store or you die!" Man, talk about a headache... (

Hard life. Read about it in my book "Mary's Fall From Grace, 40 Years of Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll". ( Wow....I almost personally know the proprietor of... The Cynthia P. Caster Foundation (warning: adult -type content).

I'm planning to travel I'm trying to look like my passport photo. (

I went on the Chet Atkins diet by accident. (

You just got off of your assignment as Gerard Depardieu's stunt double, made worse by the fact that you are female and not Bea Arthur. ( Three, three, THREE jokes in one!

It isn't MY fault.. you just haven't had enough to drink yet. (;

The winners:

Whatever you say, Bob:

I used to be Amish in high school, so I have the right to look like a whore now if I want to, and that includes the pink feather boa and stilettos! (

Suddenly, fat, bald and geeky appeals to the inner Anna Nicole in me...

The day after graduation I won the lottery!!! You got a problem with the way I look, Prom Queen? I didn't think so. (