Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 17 Nov 03)

Really Bad Excuses For The Way You Look At Your High School Reunion
(Topic suggested by MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

I was just trying to express school spirit. You mean 'Fat Housewife' wasn't our mascot? (RodentsRred@hotmail.com)

I'm two-faced and...and I brought the wrong one. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Was this Michael Jackson's class reunion?

I accidentally hit myself in the face with a sharp stick. Several times. (hollowvoice@hotmail.com)

My dog ate my exercise program. (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

No sex since high school will do this to you. (AhOLHOL@aol.com) Yeah, tell me about it....we're seated at the "40ish virgins table"....

I've been chosen for the "Extreme Makeover" TV show...so I'm prepping for the "Before" photos. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

I'm in the witness protection program and this is my disguise for the evening. (dzed68@yahoo.com)

I'm in "Jerry Springer: The Musical". (sunjonesboro@yahoo.com) Wow, you are "Third Pathetic Dejected In-bred Lover", too?

My seventh wife was a middleweight boxer. (williemelmoth@aol.com)

I ignored my muscles and they went away. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Remember when Shelly Morgan was Miss Oakdale County? Well, I was Miss Diagnosed. (TerriKlein@aol.com) What a coincidence...I was Miss Fortunate, 32 years running.

The invitation said hair was optional. (funandgames@jeremiah2911.org)

Mom is still dressing me in the morning. (Pootybrew@earthlink.net) Maybe you should try out for "Jerry Springer: The Musical"?

I was held at gunpoint. They were crazy. "Eat all the ice-cream in the store or you die!" Man, talk about a headache... (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

Hard life. Read about it in my book "Mary's Fall From Grace, 40 Years of Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll". (marymarg27608@yahoo.com) Wow....I almost personally know the proprietor of... The Cynthia P. Caster Foundation (warning: adult -type content).

I'm planning to travel abroad..so I'm trying to look like my passport photo. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

I went on the Chet Atkins diet by accident. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

You just got off of your assignment as Gerard Depardieu's stunt double, made worse by the fact that you are female and not Bea Arthur. (GerriHan65@aol.com) Three, three, THREE jokes in one!

It isn't MY fault.. you just haven't had enough to drink yet. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net; Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

The winners:

Whatever you say, Bob:

I used to be Amish in high school, so I have the right to look like a whore now if I want to, and that includes the pink feather boa and stilettos! (PromiseNotKept@aol.com)

Suddenly, fat, bald and geeky appeals to the inner Anna Nicole in me...

The day after graduation I won the lottery!!! You got a problem with the way I look, Prom Queen? I didn't think so. (steve_medel@oxy.com)