Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 17 Sep 03)

Really Bad Ways David Letterman Becoming a Father Will Change His Life/Show

He'll be replacing an old bald sidekick with a young bald sidekick. (

The "Green Room" will be converted to a nursery. ( Something tells me Farrah Fawcett will still manage to come on stage wasted after being in there.

Tony Randall walk-ons will henceforth be confined to burping the baby. (

Diaper cam! (

Have a new object to try out on "Will it float". (; Yes, we had sicker...and you know who you are.

Paul will have to move out of the extra bedroom! (

Instead of changing the Top Ten every night..he'll be changing the "Bottom One". (

Tonight's guest are... Dr. Spock, Musical Guest Raffi and don't miss Stupid Baby Tricks. ( Uh...Dave, maybe you should rethink getting Dr. Spock on...considering he's been dead since 1998!

Endless jokes about how his heart "ain't the only thing that's still pumping." (

Thanks to midnight feedings, he'll be up late enough to actually WATCH his own show when it airs. (

The winner:

As long as they don't also do a diaper-based segment of "Can We See Your Photos Please"...

Good-bye Big Ass Ham...Hello Big Ass Baby Wipes! (