Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 18 Apr 04)

Really Bad Things They Wanted To Let Mister Ed Say, But Never Had The Nerve To

That better be a carrot in your pocket, Will-burrrrr! (MrglsJon@aol.com; witsend@sevinex.com)

You know something Wilbur? Carol told me she thinks the wrong one of us was gelded. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Hello, is this the regional manager of Manolo Blahnik? Do you make horseshoes? (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com) Hey, if it gets me a pair...I'm all for free advertising.

Tell me, Wilbur, do you like gladiator movies? (chharget@aol.com)

I may have one, Wilbur, but you ARE a horse's ass! (MooseSpeak@netscape.net)

What do you mean I have to wait until "Seabiscuit" comes to DVD? (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com) Does that make him a "Sea" horse?

I'm dating a horse of a different color. (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

Wilbur, would you scratch my ass? I just can't reach. (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm hung like a man. (scalpel@aol.com)

Wilbur, you're boring. You're really, really boring! (HerzogVon@aol.com)

For my birthday, can we pick up a whorse? (chharget@aol.com) Of course they might have actually said this one...we'll never know.

Wilbur, If you ask me again "WHY THE LONG FACE?" I'm gonna stick this horseshoe up your @$$. (DOrr@jam.rr.com)

Why do you keep getting letters from Elmer's and Alpo, Wilbur? (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

Hey Wilbur.... why don't you ride me as hard as you used to? (AutumnEagl@yahoo.com) Now THAT'S a saddle-sore!

A horse is horse' my six figure a year earning ass! (HerzogVon@aol.com)

What kind of Nazi bastard gelds a perfectly healthy stallion, anyway? (chharget@aol.com)

Ya know, I'm hung like a...well...ME! (guitartexn@aol.com; DesyHand@aol.com)

Don't make me watch 'the Godfather' anymore! (stan@squidworks.com)

Ohhhh Wilbur....if you would stop smoking that crack, you would see that there is no such thing as a talking horse. (WickedSpriteTink@aol.com; darkmanwork@hotmail.com)

Seriously, you're married to that fine ass and you spend most of your time in here with me? What's wrong with you? (endocrom@aol.com)

I don't care about your opposable thumbs, Wilbur. Look at the size of THIS thing! (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

You wanna know why I sleep standing up? There's all this horsesh*t on the floor, that's why!! (skibip@aol.com) Finally, we know the reason.

Wilbur, why do they say hung like a horse? Who's hanging all these horses? (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

The winners:

Who didn't anticipate this one?...

You'll have to excuse me. I'm a little hoarse. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com; junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

"Sorry, but we gotta "adhere" to that contract, Ed..."

When this show gets cancelled, I'm gonna be on the back of every stamp in the state. (philden82@aol.com)