Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 18 Apr 05)

Really Bad Things Overheard at Frank Perdue's Funeral

If you're not completely satisfied with his chicken, you'll never get your money back now. (DOrr@jam.rr.com)

I'm actually more excited about the bereavement meal. Seems they're having frog legs. I hear they... never mind. (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

During the viewing, I peeked into the casket...I swear to God...there was an egg right beside him, and a beatific smile on his face! (cmndrnineveh@aol.com) Finally, someone in the Perdue family got "laid".

I hope they aren't going to call for someone to dance the Funky Chicken. (dart270@geocities.com)

I wish his relatives would stop pecking at my leg. (Eleman8859@aol.com)

I believe he was a member of the Fryers Club... (Airfarcewon@aol.com) ...yeah yeah...but he always felt so cooped up at their get-togethers.

I hope he gets a set of wings. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

"They say he died under the spell of a curse." "Voodoo?" "No, chicken pox." (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Look at the Tyson's guys over there, cackling like a bunch of biddy hens. My God, how cocky can you get? (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

I heard he was sleeping peacefully when that little plastic thingee in his chest just popped up telling the nurse. . .he was done. (richdiandkids@optonline.net) Awwww, I wanted to make that joke!!!

He's crossed over...to the other side of the road. (DOrr@jam.rr.com; maxcel200@aol.com)

I heard his will stipulates that his two children will pull on his wishbone to determine who gets the estate. (rod.renner@juno.com)

I didn't know I'd be called on to say something - I have nothing prepared. Oh well, I'll just have to wing it. (ParisLuvsMe@aol.com)

Guess he finally put all his eggs in one casket.. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) And what a lovely casket it was, too...a honey birds-eye maple.

I heard his company is now on the chopping...er...auction block. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

I sure will miss him... he was a tough ole bird. (jsalava@charter.net)

Wonder if he'll turn into a poultry-geist? (guitartexn@aol.com) Instead of ectoplasm, his ghost will leave behind traces of chickensh*t.

Well...it was nice of him to leave some of his money to his alma mater so they could add...a WING! (ElectronLite@aol.com)

The winners:

Wow, we got through the whole topic without one "finger-licken' good" joke:

The chickens are all choked. Up. (Anyone else sends that in, it's MINE, dammit! It's one of my comments on the most recent NYCM post.) (ListenBucko@yahoo.com)

All in all, I'd say the whole memorial service was well done...

May he rest in eight peaces. (maxcel200@aol.com)