Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 18 Feb 03)

Really Bad Signs That Everybody Knows You Wear a Hairpiece

Your friend Pfil calls to tell you that there's going to be a wind storm. (

When you wear it with the tag in front. (;

Your name is Lex Luthor. ( It was all that Kryptonite exposure.

They're laughing at the picture of it flapping in the breeze posted at the logride at Disneyland. (

Every time you get locked out of your business network, the new password is "just4cueball". (

You were a guest on the "Hairpiece..Not a Hairpiece" segment of the Letterman show. (; Could be worse...they coulda put you on "Stupid Pet Tricks".

When you go to a nice restaurant and the coat check person asks if you like to check the rug too. (

When someone imitates you swimming, they stroke with one hand on their head. (

Your name is William Shatner. ( His head is a Tribble nesting ground...

Whenever anyone comes to your house they try to wipe their feet on your head. (

Small children point and scream. (

You wear your tie around your head, Rambo-style, so that it doesn't blow away. ( Whew...for a minute there I thought Loverboy was making a comeback!

A lot of snide questions about whether or not your "carpet" matches the drapes. (

You talk to your friends about the last time you went out and "cut the rug", and they all assumed you had been to a hairdresser. (

I never knew someone could have blonde hair and black eyebrows. Is that normal? ( So, in "Who's That Girl", Madonna was wearing a hairpiece? The fact that Leis WATCHED this movie is really scaring me.

When someone at the office states they are having a bad hair day, the others steal a quick glance at you. (

You receive nothing but hats from all of your friends and family... every single holiday. ( Oh great...a Tam 'o Shanter, that will go nicely with my fez you gave me for my birthday.

Every time "Magic Carpet Ride" comes on the radio your friends snicker. (

Your insurance agent says you have a lot of "coverage". (

The winners:

"Hey guys, this is just off the top of my head...but, why does..."

Everyone always assumes you have glue in your pocket. (

And who better to contribute to this topic, but a man who's heard 'em all:

People tell me that my hairdo looks like the dog that placed third at that recent dog-show. (