Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 18 Jul 04)

Really Bad Signs Your Beer is Bio-Engineered

Tastes great, less phospho-luminescence! (

Every time you take a sip, instead of a burp, a print-out of Sam Adams's DNA comes out. (

Instead of a "Born on" date, you simply count the number of concentric rings your drink leaves on the table. ( "Then divide the circumferance of the circles by pi...then...oh hell, I'll just get a friggen coaster!"

After drinking one, you become a pink elephant. (

So THAT's why my dog won't drink this one. (

Works it's way straight to the "recycling center" without leaving so much as a buzz. (

Your dog drinks with you and he has gotten an extra leg, on his head. ( Um, she also used to be my cat..

When I drink it I have an urge to watch the Paulie Shore movie BioDome. (

The head on your beer is kept thick and full through the hard work of Sea-Monkeys. (

There are nanobots floating in it doing the backstroke. ( No extra points for using the word "nanobots"...sorry.

The brewer is Dow Corning. (

The beer is smarter than you are. (

Like us guys who drink beer even know what bio-engineered means... ( No extra points for pointing this out either.

Your artificial limb gets drunk way quicker than the rest of your body. (

Morning whiz took eight minutes and forty-two seconds to complete, eleven and a half if you include the shake. (

The bubbles form a number, 1 to 10, to rate your belches. ( least it shows they care!

Green Beer? Its not just for St. Patrick's day anymore! (

It's capable of solving complex differential equations, and I'm not drunk yet. (

You find a three-eyed mouse in the bottle. ( And your problem IS?......

The mold in the frat-house grows twice as fast. (

The label says "Micro-process-brewed." (

The brand logo, on close inspection, includes a complex molecular model. ( Also, the "sell by" date appears to be pi.

Your urine looks more like primordial soup. (

After only 7 or 8 cans, you feel completely degradable. (

It has a head....a talking one. ( "Same as it ever was...same as it ever was..."

No need for a night light now that my whiz glows in the dark. (

Warning label: 'Pregnant woman do not drink this beer without first having a Pabst smear'. (

The head on your beer is Einstein's. ( Uh...can I hold off until one pours out with the frozen head of Walt Disney?

When you tap the keg, it taps back. (

The winners:

Isn't that just a "ReBa Sign You Drink Out Of Tupperware"?...

The can burps before you do. (

Hey, don't give Playboy any know what happened last time a humour site got involved with Playboy...

Instead of "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit models, you find yourself mentally undressing MENSA babes. (