Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 18 Jun 05)

Really Bad Signs Someone Has Stolen Your Identity
(Topic suggested by NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

Hate mail down by half. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

You really start racking up those frequent flyer miles due to your credit card...but you've never had a credit card. (Jdoveraz@aol.com)

You're standing around in a group of white boys who all look alike, wear blue jeans and a white T-shirt, and hear over the loudspeaker "Would the real Slim Shady please stand up?". (motorbreath2000@netscape.net)

When you arrive at the gate for your vacation to Hawaii, a stewardess informs you that you've already boarded the plane! (noveed@yahoo.com) Have you been talking to jdoveraz about my frequent flyer miles???

Bills from "Exxxcellent Japanese Schoolgirls in Bondage, Oh Yes!" no longer appearing on the credit card statement. (williemelmoth@aol.com)

When your wife screams someone else's name during sex, she quickly assures you it must be because someone has stolen your identity. (Truckerex@insightbb.com) If you scream your own name out...like I do...you'll never get in trouble.

I keep getting Trump's bankruptcy paperwork, dammit. (guitartexn@aol.com)

According to the paper, I'm having a lot more fun than I know about. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com) Police blotter and COPS all in one week...you rule! Well, not you...but um...you know.

"I have move to Nigeria. Please send all my origami winnings and other prizes to me at PO Box 429, Lagos, Nigeria." (maxcel200@aol.com)

True story: Someone kept calling me up asking why I hadn't mailed their fish. (atwright73@yahoo.com) Already, this topic is giving me a splitting haddock…errr, headache.

When your wife says "Where has the man I married gone?!" (sheafitz1@netscape.com)

You call home from work and you answer! (bjjtoff@tds.net)

You are a cashier at Sears, and a customer not only writes you a check with *your* name and address on it, they show you copies of your ID and credit cards, too. (This has actually happened). (RasGold@aol.com) Geez...that's just terrible! Uh...I mean the part about you working at Sears.

It isn't all bad. I just forward my bills to her now. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

"Honey, someone must have stolen my identity. I'd NEVER log into all those porn sites!" (topsquark@yahoo.com; motorbreath2000@netscape.net)

You get a call from yourself on caller ID. (hash1029@netzero.net) I must have developed asthma…when I answer myself, I just hear a lot of heavy breathing.

"This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!" (topsquark@yahoo.com) This never fails to Byrne me up.

Your credit rating improves. (seeker@vcoms.net; wedrixe@netscape.net)

You present your check card, driver's license, and a DNA test and still can't pick up your dry cleaning. (gromitopia@yahoo.com)

You are starting to fade from all the family pictures. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com) No, that's you've never been born...someone REPLACING your photo...that's identity theft.

"Well, I had this plan to get all rich and famous, but it seems like Jim Carrey beat me to it using EXACTLY the same routine." (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)

The winners:

Hey...if they stopped doing this...I might never get talked to again...

People stop calling you a pathetic dumbass. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Now that you mention it, Cad hasn't been the same since….

Out of the blue, they can suddenly afford to go to "Space Camp." (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)