Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 18 Mar 04)

Really Bad New Slogans for m&m's Candy

You know what they say about the green ones don't you? (sunjonesboro@yahoo.com)

Melts in your mouth, not in your alimentary canal.... (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

A body needs blue food! (mychickenlips@aol.com)

Not just Candy...They're Dandy! And Handy! Tell Randy..and Sandy..and Andy..and Mandy..Pop a few with your brandy.. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) There, there...the nurse will be along any minute now with your shiny happy pills.

They melt in your mouth not in your...um...oh those don't go there. (watch4whales@yahoo.com)

Eating m&m's.... as addicting as S&M, but you don't have to hide the welt marks! (redbarron1010@aol.com)

Now with W's and E's. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com) Don't forget 3's!

m & m good, m & m good, m&m's candies are m & m good! Oh wait that's soup... (gthutch63@aol.com)

New black & white m&m's... to fit in with your drab, wretched life. (MooseSpeak@netscape.net) Great, I need a candy to remind me...sigh.

m&m's - Not just for marking BINGO cards anymore. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Now accepted as currency in post-Saddam Iraq! (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

m&m Peanut asks, "What wise-cracking little character with one nut do you prefer? If you say Hitler, I'll kick your ass." (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

No matter what color they are going in, they all come out the same in the end. (DesyHand@aol.com)

With our brand new preservatives, m&m's don't melt in your mouth or your hands. (lacee7700@aol.com) Nope, they just sit in your belly, waiting for you to sleep! (insert evil laughter)

The perfect thing to suck on. (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

It melts in your mouth...and reappears on your fat butt. (Mikepena@socal.rr.com)

After threats of being sued for racism, we chose to bring all the colors back. Happy now?! (iholdridge@aol.com)

Just eat me! (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

Recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists who really need new business. (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com) ...hey, you'd rather go to an honest dentist, wouldn't you??

Red? Blue? Green? Who gives a crap? They all taste the same, you morons! (erniedacabdriver@netscape.net)

m&m: Sounds like the rapper but with more color and better taste. (Mikepena@socal.rr.com)

Melts in your mouth, poisons your dog, hypers your kid. (skibip@aol.com) ...impregnates your wife, crashes Windows, goes joyriding in your car...

It's a candy! It's a sling shot ammo! It's two treats in one! (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)

m&m's melt in your mouth but get stuck in your nose. (flynnkj19@aol.com) Recommended by 4 out of 5 Emergency Room doctors...hmmm...sounds familiar.

Black & White m&m's: the official candy of the Republican Party. Coming soon: Democrat m&m's, which try to be every color at once. (MooseSpeak@netscape.net)

The most colorful choking hazard that you can buy! (monetmonet@artlover.com)

The winners:

My general rule of thumb is to never eat something that sounds like Jon Lovitz...

m&m's & Dr. Pepper: The staple of a healthy breakfast. (Mikepena@socal.rr.com)

Uh oh...I can see it now...a guy, a camera, eating m&m's for each meal every day for a month...

We rid our candy of that cancerous red dye so that we could focus our full attention on making America's youth grossly obese! (razcactus@netzero.com)