Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(updated 19 Jun 03)
Really Bad Signs Your Local Newscaster Is Wacko
Has had the same hairstyle since the 60's, the 1860's. (email@example.com)
When they cut to her for today's headlines, she has a dress hooked over her ears and lipstick on her forehead and she begins, "In today's news, that damn gopher in my brain has decided to become a transvestite." (Twistylitlminx@aol.com)
He overdubs the field footage with his own improvised audio sound effects. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Here's a tip: NEVER hire a guy who puts the "Police Academy" films on his resume.
On a trip to the Birmingham zoo, newscaster Bob proceeded to beat the living hell out of a giraffe claiming "he started it". (Stan790@aol.com)
Co-anchor is his fist with a face drawn on. (FreeLooseDirt@sbcglobal.net)
Our local newscaster used to be Jerry Springer...seriously. (email@example.com) Okay, this will get you one sympathy pick.
Drops his pants, moons the co-anchor, and says "BACK to you, Debra." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
In his exclusive report, "Traveling with the Troops in Iraq," he's shown driving his riding lawn mower around the kids' sandbox. (TZMAC@aol.com)
While his female co-anchor is reading a story, he's leaning back slightly and rolling his eyes to the side trying to look down the front of her blouse. (email@example.com) Gee, I just thought he was having a seizure!
"A mad man has been reported to take control of all the TV channels, broadcasting nothing but himself in all the available channels" *click* "A mad man has been reported to take control..." *click* "A mad man has been..." *CLICK* "A mad man..." (The_PaF@Hotmail.com)
He does "point counterpoint" editorials with Stinky the sock puppet. (MrglsJon@aol.com)
On location expose of whorehouse in its 22nd week. (Seeker@Vcoms.net) Was he working "undercovers"?
The anchorman's trademark sign-off is "That's the news, I'm heading back to the Mother Ship." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
His role model? Ted Baxter! (email@example.com) Phew, I was afraid it was going to be Les Nessman.
"Well, France suffered from a severe accident this week, but hey, who cares, they're French!" (The_PaF@Hotmail.com)
Tonight 10 people are dead but I have good news... I just saved money on my insurance by switching to GEICO!! (firstname.lastname@example.org) Hmmmm....this sounds vaguely familiar.
Keeps a "killed and wounded" scoreboard behind him. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)
Hairpieces come in "plaid"??...
His hairpiece matches his suit. (email@example.com)
But is he Grimacing when saying this?...
When discussing politics, he mentions his support for Mayor McCheese. (RodentsRred@hotmail.com)