Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 19 Nov 05)

Really Bad Do's and Don'ts for Professional Cheerleaders

I don't think men really care about "do's and don'ts" with cheerleaders as long as they DO put out, and they DON'T ask for payment. (

If you must go to the ladies' room together, use separate stalls. (

Using somebody prone to allergies at the bottom of a human pyramid anywhere between March and October. (

DON'T forget your underwear, not only might you flash some poor old man and give him a hard attack, but you might stick to the floor in the gym. ( Anyone here believe "hard attack" was an innocent typo? Yeah, riiiiiiiight.

Don't be rude to bar patrons. (

DO each other in restroom stall, DON'T consider your career or reputation before doing so. (

DON'T forget your underwear on your first day atop the human pyramid. ( So, tomorrow's another day?

If you want to date a player go for the ones whose had children with at least 4 different women. He's more likely to be a good family man. (

Don't show your team spirit to a member of your own team. (

DO cheer for the team from your school-- South Hampton Institute of Technology -- but DON'T spell it out: "Give me an 'S!'. . ."Give me an 'H'..." ( Phew! I was lucky I only attended the Florida University of Cuisine and Kitchenry...

DON'T go out in subzero weather. Serious danger that the smile will crack and fall off. (

Don't: Go anywhere near Joe Namath, unless you WANT to be groped on national TV! (

Maintaining the high kick is every pro cheerleaders dream and if you find it straining a little...remove restrictive clothing is the best advice I have. ( Straining a little? Are we back in the bathroom here or what?

Don't get all liquored up and then lick her up (in public). (

Don't threaten to leave to be a baseball cheerleader. (

Do make sure that there are lots of extreme close-ups of you on the Jumbotron. ( "Hey, look y'all!! You can see where I had my BoTox injected!!"

DON'T have hot girl on girl action in a public restroom...without me there. (

Lesbian experiences are for college, not professional sports. (

If you ARE going to have sex in the bathroom, bring a camcorder. At least once you get fired you can make money from the video by selling it on the Internet. ( Hellllloooooo...they were cheerleaders, here....they didn't have a single thought in their head, let alone a FORETHOUGHT.

Don't: Sleep with the entire team to gain popularity...that only works in high school. (

If you are going to have sex in a bathroom stall make it a MENS room and not only won't you be fired but we would start your own fantasy league. (

The winners:

*sigh* A whole cheerleader ReBa, and not ONE "Cheerleader Massacre" movie reference...

Rule#768 : Never shout 'Ra! Ra! Ra!' in the presence of anyone wearing a strange, Egyptian headdress, lest ye be mummified. (

But if you do...those MythBusters guys proved the bathroom seat WAS the cleanest place to do it...

Do: Catch the cheerleader on her way down. Don't: Get caught going down on a cheerleader. (