Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 19 Oct 03)

Really Bad Rules And Regulations For A Homeowner's Association
(Suggested by

Section B - Paragraph 2: "We reserve the right to hide the bodies of those who do not pay their maintenance in your yard." (

All neighborhood love affairs need to be approved by a 2/3 committee vote. (

Children attempting to sell lemonade at makeshift stands will be run over. ( In his defense, the stand was run by this annoying chick who was giving psychiatric advice to a bald kid.

Any misconduct will result in the eviction of your soul. (

Don't stand on the carpets. (

Any cars parked on the driveway must match the house color. ( You mean they allow you to USE your driveway??

The president of the HOA will not be a resident any of the Association's properties. (

Any car leaking oil on a driveway, must be parked upside down until said leak is fixed. (

Anyone late with their association dues has to have sex with old lady Goldfarb. ( Couldn't I just be publicly flogged instead?

Those who snore louder than 5 decibels will be removed from their property. (

And ... last but not least ... rule number 9,875. Must have rat and/or cockroach infestations! (

Toilet paper must be placed as over-the-top . . . no, wait, from under-and . . . no, wait . . (Seeker@Vcoms.Net) And yes, there will be weekly inspections.

Garbage pickable junk must be at least four feet away from junk you wish to remain in your yard. (

Lawn Gnomes must be properly attired at all times. ( Hey, you thought dressing up your Barbie dolls was difficult...

Lawns must be kept neatly trimmed to between 2" and 2-1/4" at all times. (

The winners:

I sure am glad they clarified that!...

Residents are not to refer to garbage as trash. We already use that term for the residents. (

Um...this could get messy:

You can't flush your toilet without written approval from 3/4 of the other owners. (