Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 1 Apr 04)

Really Bad Signs You May Not Remember Everything That Happened at the Bar Last Night
(Topic suggested by darkmanwork@hotmail.com)

Three sets of chewed off arms in your bed. (deweyever@attbi.com)

You wake up the next morning lying naked in a field 10 miles from your house and your mom calls you when you get home to say she found your clothes on her roof. (Not that I would know anything about that) (missinmayberry@aol.com)

A green furry thing with your door key keeps showing up in the fridge. (paracletus3@aol.com)

Your new wife, Brittany Spears, sends you paperwork requesting an annulment. (william.fishburne@verizon.net) Hey, look on the bright side...there's always a reality show deal in the works for you.

You awake to the sound of a horde of homeless men clapping wildly. (murdoctor@aol.com)

All you remember is that you came home real horny, now the wife is gone and the dog has a strange waddle to its walk. (Flacsb252@wmconnect.com)

You most definitely don't remember going home with Godzilla. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

You wonder how your panties wound up on the moose's antlers. (GerriHan65@aol.com) ...on a 'very special' episode of "Northern Exposure".

You wake up with some gap-toothed redhead who can't remember everything that happened either. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

You wake up to the sound of the police kicking in your door...and it goes downhill from there. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net) Does it usually go uphill from there??

Your car keys are missing, but a napkin-scrawled contract and the keys to a broken down sloop are in your pocket. (tainsam@aol.com)

"Honey, how did this used prophylactic get in the blender?" (khalazdad@adelphia.net) And why is there some guy on our front lawn, clutching his crotch and howling?

You can't explain neither the extra $500 in your wallet, nor that funny taste in your mouth. (skibip@aol.com)

What do you mean I have a wife? (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

You wake up wearing cleaner underwear than what you started with. (archerjoe@hotmail.com) Just the fact that I woke up wearing ANY is mighty suspicious!

There is a copy of "Pornstar's Release Form", signed by you, laying on your night stand. (Rabdreadr@aol.com)

Lipstick and Skoal on your collar. (Mistahtom@aol.com) Hopefully not from the same woman. ;)

You have "Queen " tattooed on your ass, and you really didn't like that group. (Flacsb252@wmconnect.com)

The winners:

You know, I'm still worried about a time back in '78...damn I'm old...

Last night? Hell, I'm still worried about Senior Week. In 1995. (scalpel@aol.com)

"As seen on Jerry Springer"...

You find a poster with your picture on it, proclaiming you to be Mazimba, the World's Most Fabulous Drag Queen. (rose_justice@msn.com)