Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(Updated 1 Feb 05)
Really Bad Ways To Find Out What Is Under A Scot's Kilt
(Topic suggested by firstname.lastname@example.org)
Say to him, with a wink, "Och, and I'm sure yer hiding the Loch Ness Monster under yer kilt just waitin' for a wee lassie like me to find it, are ye?" (email@example.com)
The "braille" method. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)
Marry him. (SOMEONE has to send in a marriage-related entry.) (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com) Ha! No points for you!
Yell: "Hey, Scot! What's under yer kilt?" (RasGold@aol.com)
Unfortunate placement of the Precision Leaf Blower Squad behind the MacClallan Pipe and Drum Corps in the New Year's parade. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Order those "X-Ray glasses" they advertise in the back of magazines. (email@example.com)
Rolling quarters down McTavish Street and watching the guys chase and bend over to pick them up. (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com) Coming soon to a theatre near you..."Nightmare of McTavish Street"!
Obtain airport security position in Edinburgh (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
Get him to wade in the snapping tortoise pond! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Learn to scuba, then offer glass-bottom boat "Search for the Loch Ness Monster" tours. (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org) Two of you coming up with this one?? Talk about a government conspiracy.
Take him to the same updraft area in Marilyn Monroe's movie, "Seven Year Itch." (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org; a bunch others)
Ask an Irishman. (email@example.com) Oooh, let the mudslinging begin!!
Ask him what he thinks of the English. (ListenBucko@yahoo.com)
Ask if you can play his "bagpipes". (firstname.lastname@example.org) Just don't forget to ask with a sheepish grin on your face. ;)
While you are in the "inflatable pub" you punch a hole in his bar stool. (email@example.com)
Ask him if that's a caber, or if he's just happy to see you. ( Hoot, mon! ) (HerzogVon@aol.com) A very bad case of "morning wood"...
Go to a bar in Glasgow..buy a Scotchman a drink..and say, "Bottom's Up!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
Look under Kilts..in the dictionary. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Okay...this is again our unofficial pun winner this year. Yeah I know - I never announced a winner last year. There's a reason for that. This just might be that reason.
Tell him it will only take a minute but you're from the Kilt factory and they forgot to Scotchguard the inside. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Uh...no, I rescind that previous comment above.
This topic may lead to significant public safety concerns since many of these men are natural born kilters. (email@example.com) Okay - maybe this one beats the other two.
Check his shoes...for dandruff ! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Claim boldly, at a fair in Glasgow, that you can guess anyone's inseam to the nearest quarter-inch, and then dare anyone to prove you wrong. (email@example.com) This sounds like you've done it before...you are scaring me now.
Two simple steps: 1. Hit Scot over the head with a lead pipe. 2. Look. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)
Leaf blower.. (or is that a ReBa job on a Viking cruise liner?) (firstname.lastname@example.org) Look, we do the friggin' topics here dammit...no unfair set-ups.
Patent leather shoes really DO reflect up! (email@example.com)
And for the fun of it...put it up there off-kilter...(yeah I had to do it)...
Put a bottle of whiskey up a tree. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Reading all of these just about kilt me...
Organize a friendly game of kilt Keep Away. (email@example.com)