Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 20 Dec 04)

Really Bad Signs That You're Being Spied On

While playing solitaire, you get a phone call; "Black seven on the red eight" - click! (MrglsJon@aol.com)

The eyes of the Mona Lisa painting on your wall don't just seem to follow you. They also blink, roll, and sometimes water. (jygirl8@aol.com)

You're married. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com) Uh...doesn't this one basically work for every single topic???

All of the books you receive by mail from Amazon.com come dog-eared. (rockitower@aol.com)

The HMO judges somehow know how to email me back when I win. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)

Your new friend wears a white trench coat with a white hat, and you suddenly notice that you wear a black trench coat with a black hat. (atwright73@yahoo.com) That's just MAD, baby!!

There's a satellite dish on your roof, and you don't own a TV set. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

The TP roll has a secret code inside the tube. (SSCompose@aol.com)

That noise you thought was a mouse in your wall snickers when your wife tells you you're the only one for her. (muck55@aol.com)

My bathroom mirrors glow when the lights are off. (monetmonet@artlover.com) I guess that really good deal on the house next to the nuclear plant wasn't that good a deal afterall, huh?

Every time you get in your car, the bush next to the front door follows you to the end of the driveway. (tmhayes18@cfl.rr.com)

Kind of hard to miss that lawn gnome with one black glass eye that just appeared in my bathroom. (endocrom@aol.com)

You found a bug in your Thanksgiving turkey and you suspect a peeping Tom. (maxcel200@aol.com)

You keep on getting unsolicited mail from a "law firm" called "Connery, Dalton, Brosnan and Leames"....and moving doesn't stop it! (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

SOMEBODY took that one sock out of the dryer. Must be a spy. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com) Well, if atwright's theory is correct, I'm willing to bet the sock was either white or black....

You can hear the guys wiretapping your phone in the background complaining how boring your life is. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

Frazzled stranger runs up to you and says, "Wash the damn dishes fer gawd's sake!" (Ringo@illuSchoen.net)

Your TIVO keeps getting mysteriously reset to record Alias. (giraffic_art@yahoo.com) Forget about it doing that - I want to know why it has that one big EYE staring at me all the time!

I found a camera inside my camera. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

Our boss just had mirrors installed in all of our offices, lunchrooms and broom closets. (saxonraerae7@aol.com)

You saw it "according to an unnamed government source" on CNN. (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com) Phew! At least it's not FOX news.

You receive an unsigned card containing the poem "Roses are red/Green are some plants/when your home alone/please wear some pants." (changetion@yahoo.com)

HMO asks for your Email address. What the hell do you want that for? What are you doing with it? Oh God, they know where I live! (Truckerex@insightbb.com) How do you think I can pay for all the expenses to run it without blackmailing people once in a while? Sheesh! Cut me a break, will ya?

You've just moved into the house whose previous owner was some guy named Truman. (rod.renner@juno.com)

When you pick up the telephone to make a call, instead of a dial tone, you hear "shhh." (TPHYLL@aol.com)

When the pizza delivery boy shows up with exactly what you ordered and a second pizza you did not order for someone named "Jason" in the backyard. (madavis62@alltel.net) He's not wearing a hockey mask by any chance, is he?

Dan Rather's eyes seem to follow you wherever you go in the room. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

"He knows when you've been sleeping, he knows when your awake." How obvious can it be? Santa Claus: Jolly Old Elf or CIA Operative? (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

Before I post the winners...I wanted to let everyone know that Leis did NOT do a "Somebody's always watching me" blurby altho he sent me his list of picks titled "ReBa, Rockwell-style". This is how Leis' mind works...be afraid...be very afraid.

Hey, wait...I used to rent and there were never cameras anywhe...uhh...oh......nevermind....

You rent, and you're a total babe. (DaJakAiss@aol.com)

Life, apparently, is all a movie. Mine is "Scream"...

Music plays before bad stuff happens and you can hear people yelling off in the distance, "Don't open the door!" (william.fishburne@verizon.net)