Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(Updated 20 Jan 06)
Really Bad Signs You're Not As Intimidating As You Think You Are
Your girlfriend always carries an extra $100 with her so she can buy your way out of fights. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)
You go hunting and deer taunt you by painting bull-eyes on their rumps. (email@example.com)
The 3rd graders beat you senseless with a boulder, stabbed you with scissors, and shoved scraps down your throat when they beat you at "Rock, Paper, Scissors"! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Teenage boys keep greeting you with "Oh, hello, Mr. Asshole!" (email@example.com) Oh this is just TOO easy..."insert" your own joke here.
CPA'S pick fights with you in bars. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
You couldn't even punch out a timecard. (email@example.com)
Butterflies scare the hell out of me. (NITRAMXXX@aol.com) Especially the Madame ones....yikes!!
They look at my pink fuzzy slippers and laugh. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)
The kitten starts purring when you try and rough it up. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
You hear the phrase "you and whose army?" at least once a week. (email@example.com)
You're 45 years old and your mother still beats you with a slipper. (Eleman8859@aol.com) Um...pink and fuzzy?
The express lane at the grocery store boots you out of line for buying a 12-pack. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
You're presiding over Saddam's trial (see, the Iraqi judge there has lost control and Saddam pretty much says and does what he wants...oh, never mind). (Jdoveraz@aol.com)
Your tough tattoos have stretched and sagged and now look more like Smurfs. (email@example.com) As long as they aren't those dang rip-offs, the "Snorks", I'm good to go.
Your big gun retaliatory exclamation is "Bite Me!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
I'll make you an offer you might refuse, but if you do, we can negotiate, okay? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
I THOUGHT I was genuinely intimidating. Then I read this: http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm ...I scored 90% of them :( (email@example.com) Hey...did you know HMO has a forum? Oh...c'mon you can take it!
You hear yourself say the following: "If you don't stop that, I'm going to take my Koosh Ball and Shove It Where The Sun Don't Shine!" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Even the band geeks steal your lunch money. (Jdoveraz@aol.com)
Most of the guys I've challenged to a fight have died. Laughing. (email@example.com) This made me chuckle. Uh oh. (Clutches heart, falls on floor.)
YOU SEND ALL YOUR E-MAIL MESSAGES USING LOWER CASE LETTERS. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The elderly Chinese gent you and your cronies are harassing looks oddly nonplussed and takes a crane stance. (SSJskittle@gmail.com) Hell, I find it intimidating that you used the word "nonplussed".
SHUT UP, BIAATCHHH!!!... Dude I swear, I was this close to saying that... And then I realized it was a pivotal point in the movie. "The French Lieutenant's Woman"...is moving. (email@example.com)
The tattoos covering your body you applied with your own spit and hand pressure. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
You have a "My Little Pony" collection on your desk at work. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)
When you threaten to knock your child into next week if he doesn't do his homework, and he says "Great Dad!!! My homework is due tomorrow. So I guess that would make doing my homework tonight academic, wouldn't it?" (email@example.com) Geez...don't you hate it when your kids ALWAYS have a better point than you do?
You yell "Talk to the Hand!" and people yell back "Aww, look at his cute little hand!" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
They send a 72 year-old to spot for you during your workout. (email@example.com)
The only time you can sneer is when you pass gas. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
Bad thing is you aren't intimidating...but you are diabetic...
$326 worth of Girl Scout cookies again this year. (L1061S@go.com)
Rocky Balboa, you sure ain't...
When I start a fist fight, I always say "Let me know if this hurts too much." (LouMizzou@yahoo.com)