Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 21 Feb 03)

Really Bad Signs The World Is Ready For Another Michael Jackson Comeback

No Michael Jackson tabloid headlines for two weeks in a row! (

Mr. Potato Head sales have sky-rocketed. ( "Mom...I can't find the nose...I coulda sworn it came with one!"

All of the other signs of the apocalypse have already come to pass. (

The circus just called... they want their freak back. (

If you are a woman, you are starting to think Tito is the better looking Jackson. If you are a man, you know Tito is the better looking Jackson. ( Better looking than what?

Obviously, the world hasn't been taking its medication. (

Weird Al Yankovic arises from his burrow and sees his shadow. (

Abraham Lincoln's nose on Mount Rushmore has been thinned by vandals. ( Yes, but only TWO vandals!

Walmart has move the jeweled glove display along with the Bedazzlers to the front of the store. (

SPF 950 makes its debut. (

Hey, it's either him or Carrot Top - you decide. ( Talk about a no-win situation!

Saddam Hussein will use ANYTHING to distract the weapons inspectors. (

'Thriller' remake all set - and he doesn't even need a mask this time! (

Upcoming He-Man movie needs someone to play Skeletor... ( The part is up for grabs for him or Maria Shriver.

Those glitter socks are back in fashion. Which is surprising, since you can't recall them being cool the first time around. (

C'mon - Powerpuff girls...Bubbles, a monkey named Mojo Jojo...the signs are right there, man! ( This is creepier than the Book of Revelations...

Because music can't get any crappier than it is right now! (

Sharper Image's best selling new item? Hyperbaric Sleeping Chamber. (

Starving comedians are desperate for some new ammo. ( Speaking of this, isn't it time Dan Quayle runs for President?

Paris, Prince and Blanket have entered the most popular baby names of the year list. (

With Cher's career ending there aren't enough middle-aged white women on tour these days. (

The winners:

It's GOT TO BE better than "Yes, Dear":

CBS airs new comedy, "Everybody Loves Pasty, Freakishly Bizarre, Plastic Surgery Addicted Pedophiles!" (

"Hide-My-Face" cloths sold separately...

The new "Dangle Me Elmo" dolls are sold out everywhere! (