Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 21 Jan 03)

Really Bad Defense Excuses For Destroying (then later reporting missing) Vials of Bubonic Plague

Hell, we've lost plutonium, tons of anthrax and a million tons of chipped beef on toast - what's a few lousy vials of plague? (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

We thought it was gin. And that it was 1921. (laugh@starpower.net)

I was trying to create a diversion, so that GWB could invade Iraq without being noticed. (tomcnagy@hotmail.com) Hey, wait a sec...is that you, Jeb?

Your Honor..this case is plagued with many problems...for one thing, My client is not a vile person! Let me further add, Your Honor..that technically, my client did not lie. It all depends on what your interpretation of the word, "missing", is...after all, when he destroyed the vials..they were missing! (Internutt9@aol.com)

PMS... YOU gotta problem with that?!?!?!?! (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

It was all Bob from Accounting's fault. (Mistahtom@aol.com) When all else fails...blame Accounting.

Hurling squirrel carcasses at the enemy is just much more fun... (WillyTheTunaFish@aol.com)

Just a practical joke...ha...ha. (muhltrayne@yahoo.com)

Your honor, one of the dreadful side effects of exposure to bubonic plague is memory loss. (chefrandy@charter.net)  What were we just talking about, again?  ...This and singing that damned "Ring Around the Rosey" song.

My little brother went through my stuff... (hunterj@iwon.com)

Secret ingredient in an old family recipe for a mean Bloody Mary. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

You're not supposed to ask questions.... you're supposed to be preoccupied with Iraq, dammit! (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net) Sorry! Um....as you were, I guess...

Wanted to see if it's true that it tastes just like ranch dressing. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

Who cares? I mean, it only kills Europeans, right? (seeker@vcoms.net) Wow, the first genetically engineered nasty that discerns your heritage...now if it could only target those with the propensity to kill off mankind...

People are so judgemental. Haven't you ever run out of glasses during a tequila party? (seeker@vcoms.net)

"Gain nationwide recognition as a big honkin' dumba$$" was on the to-do list that day. (BNEAL25134@aol.com)

The winners:

Don't laugh...truth just might be stranger than fiction...

Hey, we destroyed a LOT of stuff that weekend. (amazingpfil@yahoo.com)

Y'know, nothing says "current events" better than a Steve Urkel reference...

Did *I* do tha-a-at? (RasGold@aol.com)