Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 21 Sep 05)

Really Bad Things Overheard In Britney Spears' Delivery Room

"Uh oh, he has his father's looks and his mother's brains." (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

"So doc, how long before I can hit that again?" (nstn@statefarm.com) You knew we'd do at least ONE version.

Kevin asking the OB nurse for her number. (IR2Odie@aol.com)

"He's SO noisy! When does he learn to lip synch?" (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

"He looks just like you Justin, I mean Kevin." (ahines3103@aol.com) Wow, haven't seen a slip of the tongue like that since she kissed Madonna!

"Nurse! Give her some sedatives quick, she's starting to sing!" (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

"Relax Britney, Dr. Dogg is here to get that babizzle out of your vagizzle." (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

"Mrs. Federline, will you be covering your co-pay with cash, pigs, or moonshine?" (manpretty@gmail.com)

"OK Britney, do you want the baby circumcised or tattooed first?" (L1061S@go.com) On a decision as important as this one...she better consult Madonna.

"It's been a half hour since your gave birth. You can put your legs down now. No. Really. Put them down, now!" (jaynashvil@aol.com)

"Eight fingers and 12 toes! He's perfectly normal." (manpretty@gmail.com) Care to guess which finger I'M holding up, Britney?

"I'm sorry Britney, but your baby was born without...talent. We believe it's genetic." (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

"I realize your career is going nowhere, Mr. Federline, but as a doctor I cannot condone selling the placenta on eBay". (holtbolt@comcast.net) Well, not without my cut.

"Okay is everyone here? Doctor, nurse, father, Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, Inside Edition... let's get started." (MrglsJon@aol.com)

"A C-section? Will this affect any of the other notes I miss?" (guitartexn@aol.com)

"Mrs. Federline, we think it will be easier to push if you put down the Tab and the cigarette" (holtbolt@comcast.net) Who knew she could multi-task?

"Do you have a hospital gown with a little less coverage?" (shep@peoplepc.com)

"Whoa, when I said I wanted a Caesarian...I thought I was ordering a salad." (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)

The winners:

Already following in his father's barefootsteps...

"Well, now that's two of them without jobs." (L1061S@go.com)

Whatever keeps her out of the recording studio, I'm all for it...

"Hey, her screaming in pain sounds better then her last CD." (rampage1984@msn.com)