Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 21 Sep 05)

Really Bad Things Overheard In Britney Spears' Delivery Room

"Uh oh, he has his father's looks and his mother's brains." (

"So doc, how long before I can hit that again?" ( You knew we'd do at least ONE version.

Kevin asking the OB nurse for her number. (

"He's SO noisy! When does he learn to lip synch?" (

"He looks just like you Justin, I mean Kevin." ( Wow, haven't seen a slip of the tongue like that since she kissed Madonna!

"Nurse! Give her some sedatives quick, she's starting to sing!" (

"Relax Britney, Dr. Dogg is here to get that babizzle out of your vagizzle." (

"Mrs. Federline, will you be covering your co-pay with cash, pigs, or moonshine?" (

"OK Britney, do you want the baby circumcised or tattooed first?" ( On a decision as important as this one...she better consult Madonna.

"It's been a half hour since your gave birth. You can put your legs down now. No. Really. Put them down, now!" (

"Eight fingers and 12 toes! He's perfectly normal." ( Care to guess which finger I'M holding up, Britney?

"I'm sorry Britney, but your baby was born without...talent. We believe it's genetic." (

"I realize your career is going nowhere, Mr. Federline, but as a doctor I cannot condone selling the placenta on eBay". ( Well, not without my cut.

"Okay is everyone here? Doctor, nurse, father, Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, Inside Edition... let's get started." (

"A C-section? Will this affect any of the other notes I miss?" (

"Mrs. Federline, we think it will be easier to push if you put down the Tab and the cigarette" ( Who knew she could multi-task?

"Do you have a hospital gown with a little less coverage?" (

"Whoa, when I said I wanted a Caesarian...I thought I was ordering a salad." (

The winners:

Already following in his father's barefootsteps...

"Well, now that's two of them without jobs." (

Whatever keeps her out of the recording studio, I'm all for it...

"Hey, her screaming in pain sounds better then her last CD." (