Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 22 Apr 03)

Really Bad Things To Hear After Your Sex Change Operation

Is the coroner here yet? (

The new breasts look great, Mr. Jones! Unfortunately, Warden Smith tells us your transfer to the female penitentiary was unsuccessful. Good luck. ( "Most Popular Inmate", nine years and counting.

Would you like me to put that in a bag for you? (

So wait, was this one a guy or a girl? (

You wanted an outie right? (

(on the phone) Hello! Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? (looks at bottom of foot) Size 15. ( That would be some "feat"...but when will the Fire Brigade drop by to visit?

Your Uncle Moneybags died and left all his money to his nephew... Um, you're now his niece? Sorry. (

Congrats! The surgery didn't take near as long as expected with Dr. Lorena Bobbitt on staff. (

The good news--we were successful. The bad new is--sadly, we were successful. ( Oh well...I'm a freak, but at least I'm eligible to host a FOX reality show!

Let me get this straight: You used to be a man, then you changed your sex, and now you're a lesbian? (

That was like closing up the grand canyon. Did you hear that echo when I asked for sutures? (

(Whispering) Let's see how he likes it now with 36D testicles. ( Stay tuned for our testicle-inspired ReBa in the near future.

OK usually after having this type of a lobotomy there is some residual drooling and lack of bladder control. (

Options from here include a facelift, liposuction, and maybe euthanasia. (

"Hi Bob? This is Augusta National, we finally processed your application from 1996 and we would like to offer you a membership. . ." (;

Is our mutation malpractice policy paid up? ( Malpractice? Nah, I've always wanted a third arm down there...

Ms. Reno!!!! Ms. Reno!!!! Can we have your autograph?!!?!! (

We'll knock 10% off of your bill because it kind of looks like a vagina. (

Oh, Dr. Smith is a true genius, Ms Clark. He's even made it possible for you to get your PERIOD every month! (

Well, I regret to inform you that were unable to successfully perform this operation, and afterwards, we weren't able to restore you to normal either. As of now, you have no sex. ( So what's new...neither do I.

After M to F operation: "The darker the room, the better you'll look" (

Of course it works! I tested it out myself. (

Seriously, dude. I think you should've paid the extra buck to have it supersized. (

The winners:

Maybe a medical journal someplace, tho...

Well, THAT one ain't going in the brochure. (

"...and that was when Leis lost his appetite."

Fine, you're entitled to your opinion Doctor, but I think it looks JUST like one of those little Vienna Sausages. (