Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 22 Jul 04)

Really Bad Signs Your Home Is Way Too Small For You/Your Family

The local fire department placed a "maximum occupancy" sticker on the front door and now every night one person has to leave so you won't be in violation. (

When the neighbours on your left start talking over the fence to the neighbours on your right. (

You're an old lady... you live in a shoe.. you have so many children... you don't know what to do! ( <------ Picked by Leis...please address all complaints to him.

You figure you'll save time and money painting the living room by covering the family dog in Lucite and getting him to shake it off in there. (

There's no more room to pile stuff up in. (

You actually could afford it. (

It's made out of cardboard and has "Kenmore" printed on the side. ( You should see the poor schmuck in the "Adidas" house...

When you're in bed, you can turn off the TV in the living room with your foot. (

Your kids keep complaining about getting muffler burns while trying to sleep. (

When there's a wreck on NASCAR the trailer tilts when everyone comes in the TV room to see the replay. ( Wait! You HAVE a TV room???

When you have to give away the dog to make space for Grandma. (

Your wife joined you in the doghouse. ( What better place for a total bi--um, never mind.

Four members of the family have to go outside so that the refrigerator door can be opened... (

Your Mini Cooper's butt sticks out of the garage about a foot. ( Hmmm...if it's okay with you I'll just continue to refer to the back part of my car as the "rear end".

You have to push really hard to get BOTH your suits in the closet at the same time. (

The kids are always fighting over who gets the top and bottom...and they don't have bunkbeds. (

Your application to "Extreme Home Make-over" is re-routed to "Smallville". ( Well, isn't that just "super"!

The front door is the back door of a meat packing plant, leading up to your loft. (

Having to stand up to pee isn't just for the guys anymore! (

To make sure there's enough room, you're kept to a strict inhale/exhale schedule. (

More than once the litter box has been impatiently used by someone other than the cat. ( Hey, at least you HAVE room for a litter box at your house!

You don't have to leave the kitchen to have breakfast in bed! (

Being "in the doghouse" isn't such a bad thing. (

The DEA consistently finds my stash of marijuana and automatic weapons. (

Car trip? Car trip?! Car Trip! Finally, some elbow room. (

Only one nook...only one cranny. ( Sounds like a totally inferior English muffin.

Look on the bright side, you're going to save a lot not having to buy extension cords. (

The winners:

I bet installing one of those little "Occupied" thingies above the doorknob would deter this...

Construction workers keep coming in to pee. (

This puts the "Kitsch" in "Kitchen"...or not...

You can't fluff your pillow until you've washed the dishes. (