Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 22 Nov 03)

Really Bad Ways To Dispose Of Your Horse When It Dies
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Sell it on eBay as an "authentic" movie prop from "The Godfather." (

Take it down to the local Chinese restaurant. (

Actually, don't get rid of it, display it prominently in the barn, to scare your live horses into submission. (

Two words, well actually a phrase and a word: Family BBQ! We are going to need gallons of sauce cousins. ( What's a "sauce cousin"?

By registering (

Leave it in front of the supermarket as a children's 25 cent ride. (

Sell it to one of those necrophiliac "barnyard sex" sites I keep getting spam from. (

Papier-mâché, candy, a stick and two dozen nine-year olds. ( Not ANOTHER Michael Jackson joke.

Freeze-dry it and tell everyone it's the world's largest jerky. (

Eliminate the middle it and feed it to your dog. (

Piñata! ( Okay, all together now: "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

Attach antlers on it, and drop it off at Ted Nugent's house. (

Leave her in the bed and quietly shut the door...what?...oh, you said HORSE? (

Why do you think I'm building a trebouchet in my back yard? ( Sheesh, I hate it when I have to drag out the dictionary.

Hey everybody, guess what we are gonna have instead of turkey!!! (

Flicka in the Chippa' (

Crazy glue a horn to it's head and sell it to the National Inquirer (again). ( No no no, that's the Weekly World News; the Enquirer would want the horn to be on Liza Minelli's head, while she was kissing Arnold...

Stuff it and send it to your mother-in-law with a note: "A Nag for a Nag". (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

Use it as the first knight in my oversized chess set. (

Drag it to a shopping mall, stand there with a stick and beat it, and erect a sign that says "Metaphors Brought To Life." (

Duct tape some old deer antlers on its head and prop it up out in the woods. ( Bet it's been done here in Alabama at least once before.

Bury it upside-down in the yard, then invite friends and family over for a "real" game of horse shoes. (

Make a pilot sequel to the old TV show, "Mister Ed"...Call it "Mister Dead". (

The winnners:

It helps if you try not do dwell on the mental image:

Salad Shooter (

Something tells me you're going to need a bigger tray...

Horse Deuvres (