Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 22 Oct 05)

Really Bad 'Not So Scary' Halloween Attractions

House Of Apathetic Goth Geeks (

The dead dog at the corner of 4th & Main. (

The House of Novocaine (

The My Little Pony says "Boo" Halloween Special. (

A dude lost most of his costume so now he has to play COUNT MUMMY WOLF. (

The Exhibit of HMO Entries That Didn't Almost Make It. ( Trust us, there isn't enough time in the world to check all of THOSE out.

You know, the one where you have to put on a blindfold and feel around in a guy's intestines? Well, once, I found out it was just cold spaghetti and I was, like, "Hey, this is just spaghetti," and then this guy shushed me, so I said... Yeah it goes on ALL NIGHT. (

The house of grammatical horrors. In other words teh Internet. (

The Nerf torture chamber. (

Scratch and sniff morgue. (

Blood splattered Jason mask ... only it's Jason Bateman. ( "Master Bateman, you rang?" Wait a minute...did you guys even SEE "Silver Spoons"???

Come and See the SHOWER CURTAIN that was never in Psycho. (

The Ravages of Age (basically an old woman sitting in a rocking chair with her two cats) ( ...add about a dozen more cats, and you have half the people in my apartment building!

Casper the Friendly Ghost's Haunted House (

The Dreaded House of Inconvenience. Instead of torturing you they just kinda annoy you. Not signing their checks until they get up to the bank teller's window!! Taking up two spaces while parking!! and The Evil asking for a price check while in the Express Aisle with 11 items while paying with change!! (

The mysterious boxes of peeled grapes and spaghetti. (

THE HAUNTED CASTLE OF MUSKOGEE! (This really exists.) (

Dr. Scholl's "Hall of Fungus." (

Supreme Court Justice nominee Harriet Miers without eyeliner. ( You know...I think either way it's a lose-lose situation.

Listen, after I've watched the news, NOTHING seems scary. (

A haunted outhouse ( A paranormal porta-potty?

The Watermelon Field Maze. ( "Okay, everyone on their bellies!"

The "Children of the King Korn" trading stamp redemption center. (Yeah, them and Plaid Stamps; I remember.) (

Cad in a thong? ;) ( I don't think I could pay out all those lawsuits.

Peter Falk's "eerie eyeball." (

The Haunted House of Mirrors ( OMG is that MY ass???!!!!

Chain Saw maintenance and safety booth, sponsored by Home Depot (

The Different Faces of Joan Rivers! (

House of Whorers (

The winners:

You know, this exhibit is totally tasteless...

The Headless Beer (

Is Paris Hilton in this one too? 'cause that would be reallllly scary...

The House of Wax Lips (