Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(updated 23 Sep 03)
Really Bad Ways to Lose 52 Pounds
Go on a hunger strike until Reality TV craze ends. (Omegamagezero@aol.com)
Cut off your lower torso. You will need the upper half to see how much weight you've lost. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Remove my breast implants. (email@example.com) It's nice to see Pamela Anderson can read well enough to submit entries here.
Penis reduction surgery. (StanYan1@aol.com) ...and Tommy Lee.
Smoke crack. Crackheads are always skinny. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Have water removed from your body. (This was actually done to my mother back in the 50's!) (email@example.com)
Eat ONLY Subway everyday for the rest of the year. (GentleWhisper612@aol.com) ...or, ON a subway...that should take care of your appetite!
Neck bomb. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Clean fingernails, toenails, and earwax. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com) What?! No navel??
Gas and matches. (email@example.com)
Now on eBay.....a 6-year old for sale. (firstname.lastname@example.org; Fletcher_Sheet@hotmail.com) (Note to self: insert Michael Jackson reference here.)
Go to an Italian neighborhood, tell the first guy you see his sainted mama's gravy is watered down, then RUN LIKE HELL! (email@example.com)
Go to an English betting parlor... (firstname.lastname@example.org) Ya know, had you spelled it "parlour", we would have picked your entry.
By paying an arm and a leg at the gas station for a fill-up. (email@example.com)
12-ounce beer curls until the pain is too much. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Turn on the Medical Channel during each meal. (MrglsJon@aol.com) "What a coincidence! WE'RE having liver, too..."
Eating 100 pounds of foods that are "half the calories". (BPaul317@aol.com)
Hey, we'd have hooked you up to an IV...but that's only 6 points...
Eat only during the exciting parts of a Scrabble tournament. (email@example.com)
Ohhh, I thought you were just happy to see me:
Sell that novelty Giant Pack of Cards. (firstname.lastname@example.org)