Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 23 Sep 03)

Really Bad Ways to Lose 52 Pounds

Go on a hunger strike until Reality TV craze ends. (

Cut off your lower torso. You will need the upper half to see how much weight you've lost. (

Remove my breast implants. ( It's nice to see Pamela Anderson can read well enough to submit entries here.

Penis reduction surgery. ( ...and Tommy Lee.

Smoke crack. Crackheads are always skinny. (

Have water removed from your body. (This was actually done to my mother back in the 50's!) (

Eat ONLY Subway everyday for the rest of the year. ( ...or, ON a subway...that should take care of your appetite!

Neck bomb. (

Clean fingernails, toenails, and earwax. ( What?! No navel??

Gas and matches. (

Now on eBay.....a 6-year old for sale. (; (Note to self: insert Michael Jackson reference here.)

Go to an Italian neighborhood, tell the first guy you see his sainted mama's gravy is watered down, then RUN LIKE HELL! (

Go to an English betting parlor... ( Ya know, had you spelled it "parlour", we would have picked your entry.

By paying an arm and a leg at the gas station for a fill-up. (

12-ounce beer curls until the pain is too much. (

Turn on the Medical Channel during each meal. ( "What a coincidence! WE'RE having liver, too..."

Eating 100 pounds of foods that are "half the calories". (

The winners:

Hey, we'd have hooked you up to an IV...but that's only 6 points...

Eat only during the exciting parts of a Scrabble tournament. (

Ohhh, I thought you were just happy to see me:

Sell that novelty Giant Pack of Cards. (