Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 24 Feb 03)

Really Bad New Grammy Award Categories

Best New Artists Who Were In a Group, But Broke Off to Do Solo Projects. Then Realized That They Suck When They Are Alone and Decide to Form Back Into a Group...But With a New Name! (

Best Music to Puke By (

The Phil Spector Award for Creative Editing (

Best Polka-Gangsta Rap Crossover (

Best Mimicked Humility Award ( I think this one goes hand in hand with Best Song By An Artist Who Just Happens To Be Related To Someone Ultra-famous, But Claims They Did It On Their Own.

Best Song by a Pop Artist Who No Longer Wets the Bed (

"Tonight's nominees for 'Top Male Yodeler' are....." (

Best New Female Artist to Sleep With the Judges (

Best Grammy Show Blooper Award ( It involves either Ozzy making a speech, or Eminem and Moby having a "chat".

Best Old Crooner Turned Ultra Cool by Cameo Award (

Best New Ruining of a Really Good Song by a Rap Artist With No Taste (

The Milli Vanilli Lifetime Achievement Award ( Or half-life award.

Best Confession During a Rap Song That Results In a Conviction (

Best Slut-Dressed Artist ( Affectionately now known as the "Christina".

Worst New Artist (

"The nominees for 'Best Song to F%#! To' are..." (

Artist Most Likely to Never be Heard of Again ( Norah who?

Album Most Deserving of 8-Track Tape (

To honor the old rockers < LOOK! They Are Still Alive! > Award ( Hey, I always thought you guys said it was better to burn out than fade away?

Best Remake of a Song We All Thought Was Alright the First Time (

Song Most Likely To Become A Karaoke Hit In Japan (

The winners:

Oh geez, I sense some sampling on Lionel Ritchie's "Lady"...

Best Rap Song to Accidentally Refer to Women In a Respectable Manner (

Finally, an award I can look forward to:

Most Pretentious (nominees include Bono and Sting) (