Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 24 Feb 05)

Really Bad Other Revelations In Jose Canseco's Book
(Topic suggested by Bucko)

That every prospective Major League umpire is required to read the Official Rule Book in. . .Braille! (

While with the Texas Rangers did heavy drugs with Chuck Norris. (

It wasn't really him or the steroids that knocked all those balls out of the was me, Jdoveraz. Yes, I know, I'm white, 6'2" and I only weighed 140 pounds, but it was me. (

Was asked to be head of the Department of Homeland Security after Kerik's nomination was dropped. ( Well, who wasn't?

Yankees accidentally used up their entire supply of steroids in game 3 of the ALCS leaving them with none for the final 4 games. (

The San Diego Chicken was laying performance enhancing eggs. ( No wonder he always kept his sunny side up!

Professional Wrestling is real. (

Canseco proudly reveals that he was also considered the tattletale in grade school and the narc in high school. (

Lab tests on Barry Bonds also showed traces of Richard Simmons. ( Kinda like showing "traces of nuts"?

Startling Conseco revelation: "No matter how many doses of steroids I took, I still couldn't beat that crusty old Marge Schott in arm wresting!" (

That ball that bounced off his head and went over the fence for a home run did more damage than was previously believed. (Anybody remember that?) (

I gave up steroids, instead I had my arms filled with cork. ( It explains that recurring nightmare he had about getting his fingers jammed in champagne bottles.

He and McGwire getting juiced so they can swing their bats with more power? Can I buy the video online? (

Funny thing is, he thinks he still has friends after he snitched on all of them. (

Baseball been berry, berry bad to me.. ( You sure that's not "Barry Barry" bad?

He really *does* think it goes "Jose, Can You See?" (;

Has grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the singer Madonna in his trophy case. (

A New England town is being named after him: Muscle Mass. ( ...just a few hours drive away from Ex, Conn...

The major side-effect of steroid use is tell-all book writing. (

Al Kaline was never on steroids but as his name suggests batteries kept him going. (

Barry Bonds batting is being sued by the Feds for knocking out a GPS satellite. (

I thought hearing that Mark McGwire and Raphael Palmeiro used to take "it" in the ass was bad enough. (BTW if that doesn't win, I quit) ( Don't you just love it when players start calling the the shots...whatever.

Cups don't need adjusting - I just like doing that! (

Thought seriously about starting up a "Juice" bar franchise. (

The winners:

Still better, unfortunately, than the odds he'll ever get inducted...

The odds that Pete Rose was on steroids is 2 to 1. (

The homerun became a home-pun...

He wears two thongs beneath his uniform, yet two thongs don't make it right. (