Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 24 Jan 03)

Really Bad Comments to Hear at Your "American Idol" Audition

George Bush called - you are now listed as a Weapon of Mass Destruction. (

I'd say you're going to Hollywood... but my nose would grow so long it'd probably stab you. (

Someone get Roseanne Barr out of here please... ( At least her song lasted longer than her talk show. She had a talk show??

Could you turn around and make that sound come out of your mouth instead? (

No, you don't have to be dead to be an idol, but in your case it might help. (

Does Your mother sing?..No?..probably hereditary. (

I would rather have my eye catch fire and then extinguish it with an ice pick. ( Hey, I'd audition to see this.

You should be right up there with Elvis, Buddy Holly and John Lennon, .......deCOMPOSING! (

If I was peeling an onion at the North Pole..your voice still wouldn't make me cry or give me chills. (

Karaoke night is (

You can get dressed, you got the audition. ( Anna Nicole can SING too?

I picked a bad week to give up heroin. (

Hey, weren't you in Journey? ( I guess this answers that "where are they now" question.

Good job! Now to keep that voice clear, go home and gargle with turpintine and rusty razor blades! (

WATA, SUKIMATEMAMO, WALANAKIAYOMYTIC!!! ::judge jams sword into chest:: (

Your voice could make a mime scream. ( Gee, don't hold back, okay?

How cruel that everyone up to now has lied to you about your 'talent'. (

I've met Tom Waits, and you miss, are no Tom Waits. (

You should have been a drummer. ( ...for Spinal Tap.

Lost a bet, didn't ya? (

Ladies and Gentlemen...our winners...

Okay, is this "American Idol" or "Jerry Springer?...

Simon: "Your appearance is worse than your singing." Randy: "You can at least tuck in your shirt, man." Paula: "Uh, guys, he's not wearing a shirt." (

I believe you just might have a career as a public speaker...the one at McDonald's that is...

I'll have the number 4 and supersize it. (