Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 25 Feb 04)

Really Bad Promotional Offers
(Topic suggested by

Buy one get none free! (;


The Discover Card(c)! Now with it's backup, The RECOVERY Card ! (

Buy one Tasmanian devil, get the second FREE! ( As long as he and his animal buddies PROMISE not to star in a crappy Brendan Fraser/Jenna Elfman movie.

Frontier Savings and Loan: Open a new account with us and get a free shotgun. (;

Grand Prize: All-Expenses-Paid Trip to Disneyworld in Orlando! (Void in Florida and Where Prohibited.) (

Free wrist splint with any Viagra order. ( Carpull tunnel syndrome?

Exclusive: 3 for the price of 4! (

Free stick on nails with your next renewal of Maxim magazine. (

Comes in your choice of: Purple, Reddish Purple and Deep Purple! ( Um, so does my ex-girlfriend's face, usually when I speak.

If your parachute should fail for any reason, simply return it for a full money-back guarantee! (;

Free home pregnancy test with every box of condoms. (

All weddings come with a coupon for 1/2 off your next one. ( Sheesh, I was already half-off when I married the first time.

Buy one carseat, get the recalled one for free! (

Get your diabetic supplies from us, and we'll have Wilford Brimley come over and show you how to use them. (

On your Hawaiian vacation, listen to our 4-hour time-share pitch and we'll through in an audio cassette on time management. (

Act now for free telemarketing! ( Ohboyohboyohboyoh--heyyyyy, wait a sec....

2-for-1 euthanization at We-[heart]-Pets (

Half-off Penis Enlargement! (;

This month only.. everything half off at Jackson's Family Intimates and Lingerie Shop. ( I think this will officially be our last Janet Jackson reference for a while...yeah yeah, you guys milked it for all it was worth.

Tampons: Buy one, get one free..No strings attached! (

Free shipping and handling on all pick-ups. (

Send us your name, address, receipt and $50 and we'll send you a bar-coded UPC. (

The winners:

Welcome to my world...

You get to see three "normal" (REJECTED) HMO entries, for each entry accepted. (

Eh...I'm not sure this promotional idea would fly...

All you need to book a flight with us is your dental records. (