Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 26 Apr 05)

Really Bad Signs You Are Way Too Nosy

What you said about me while you were having sex last night was WAY out of line! ( Ha! That can't be me, I was

Dumbo's got ears that are smaller than yours'. (

You hang around the prescription counter at CVS to check out everybody's embarrassing ailments. ( Hey, it was a lot easier than getting that stupid Pharmacist degree.

The psychic Friends hotline calls you for information. (

You find yourself snooping in your OWN medicine cabinet! (

You've begun to notice that every sentence you speak or write is a question. ( Oh really? Are you sure? How can you tell?

Is it bad to tell a co-worker that she has the wrong "day of the week" panties on again during a meeting? (

The priest in the confessional comments that you know more about what is going on in town than he does... (

Didn't you originally spell it "nosey" and then check the spelling? Which dictionary did you use? ( No - that would just be "compulsively ANNOYING".

You are a psychotherapist without a time limit. (

The neighbors refer to you as "Mrs. Kravitz." ( ...and they ain't talking "Lenny".

Your ear was clipped by the neighbor's hedge trimmer. (

Your co-workers have begun speaking in code and your family has taken up Swahili. (

True story: I once sent Cad an e-mail asking where she lives, how many responses she gets to her topics, if she was British, that kind of stuff. I'm either way too nosy or I'm secretly in love. ( Nuh uh, I saw her first!!

You ARE the neighborhood watch. (

Never mind that, did you know that Tom DeLay stuffs his crotch with size 9 green-striped tube socks bought used from the Goodwill on J Street? ( Uhhhhhh...ohhhhkay.

You always have your nose in a book...but it's your neighbor's book. (

You ought to get that mole on your butt looked at; could be cancer! ( My girlfriend has one, too...together, we have mole-asses!

The CIA asks you to rent them surveillance equipment. (

The National Enquirer stopped taking your calls. ( Yeah...I guess there's just not as much interest in "Bob, the weird guy across the street from you who shaves fruit" as you originally thought.

Because according to my sister's diary, it says I am. (

You bought a "Miracle Ear" just to eaves drop in on anyone's conversation. ( Yes, you get to pick up really interesting stuff your family says, like "Hey, it's Sunnie's birthday tomorrow...I think I'll cut their brake lines..."

Try to steam open your wife's e-mail. (You can really fog up your monitor that way!) (

John Ashcroft's insistence that I "mind my own business". (

The winners:

Well, that's interesting...I call out my own name a lot...

You bug your own bedroom to hear what you say when talking in your sleep. (

Wow, so THIS is what it's like to be interviewed by Geraldo...

What are you doing? Why? Who was that? What did they say? What? What? What? (;