Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 26 Aug 03)

Really Bad "Back To School" Items

Gameboy cleverly disguised as pocket calculator. (

"Get those teachers back from last years report card grades. New!! PAYBACK APPLES... Good on the outside, but rotten in the middle. Each apple sold separately." (

The handgun-shaped water bottle. ( So the folks at Super Soaker are aiming for a different target audience?

Crayola's Noncommittal Crayons -- 37 different shades of gray! (

See-thru backpacks. (

Depends pads, cause your kid will only get three bathroom breaks for the whole school year. ( Now with fun "Rugrats" characters on each one!

The "Knockers For Your Lockers" school calendar collection. (

"Politically Correct" crayons - all one color. (

An "Odai" and "Qusai" Hussein lunchbox. ( make it easier to identify the kids who are getting bullied this year? ...And Buckwheat Hussein says these are "O-dai!"

Fisher Price's Backpack Full O' Bricks (

Math books written by former Enron and WorldCom execs. (

Jogging Scissors ( For when you want to "literally" jog your memory.

An Apple computer with a worm virus in it. (

Last year's items will're held back!! ( "Kindergarten: The 5-Year Plan"!

"How to Pass That Pregnancy Test" by Cliff Notes (

The new "cheat sheet" tattoo collection (comes in algebra to zoology). (

The winners:

Will this gadget help you? You bet your as*terisk it won't!...

The New Ozzy Osborne Spell Check and Grammar Help (

"Gotta catch 'em all! Gotta catch 'em all!":

Pokemon Condoms (