Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 26 Aug 05)

Really Bad Things They Are Looking For In a New James Bond Since Pierce Brosnan Is Out

What....Pierce Brosnan is gay?! (sheafitz1@netscape.com)

Tom is too busy with Katie, thank God. (jsalava@charter.net)

A James Bond who'll take a martini anyway he can get it! (BRE737@aol.com) Whaddya know...I'm qualified!

A one-eyed flying purple people eater. (tphyll@aol.com)

Cad auditioning under the name of Regina Moore. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Someone who can do more than grab women and blow stuff up. Why can't they make a "chick" Bond film? ;) (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) Blonde....Jane Blonde.

Someone who is good at playing a man-whore. (watch4whales@yahoo.com)

A guy who can hold his breath under water for 10 minutes as he grabs a bottle of excellent champagne from a sunken ship, cuts the ropes that bind him and a beautiful woman together, introduces himself to the woman as "Bond, James Bond," and toasts his captors as he and the woman surface and escape. (pjb1671@yahoo.com) I think you just gave the plot of them all...plus the next one.

Somebody UNDER 40 for once!! (cmndrnineveh@aol.com; dorr@jam.rr.com)

Anyone who can properly pronounce "neighbourhood". (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com) Rogers....Mister Rogers--no, wait, he's dead. NEXT!

In order to appeal to a wider audience, a Bond who'll seduce women AND men. (GribsbyOK@hotmail.com)

Able to say a line like: "That doesn't make much cents, Miss Moneypenny..", and still keep a straight face. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Hey, I read it and kept a straight face...does that count? ;)

Socially conscious actor who can look tough while ordering a Shirley Temple; shaken, not stirred. (MrglsJon@aol.com)

After shooting the bad guy with the new, multitasking mobile phone/gun/satellite GPS unit, asking wryly "Can you hear me now?" (guitartexn@aol.com) Again, another plot giveaway.

Another accent you can't recognize. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Looking for someone who wants an oddjob.. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Ummm....Hugh Grant? Yeah, yeah, it's an old scandal, sue me....

"So... Mr. Jackson... Samuel... you've played a Jedi, a crook, a cop, a crooked cop... how's your British Accent?" (atwright73@yahoo.com)

Simply something wickedly different...no moore or laz! (maxcel200@aol.com) ...or some dalton the screen. Okay, it was supposed to sound like 'dolt'...just use an accent, okay??

"Ok...get Connery some Rogaine...!" (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

The winners:

No wonder he'd rather it be shaken than stirred...

Wanted: Middle aged man, must have stick up his ass (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com)

Please, PLEASE don't be referring to Doris Roberts...

Someone who can remember the name of Brosnan's hottie co-star on 'Remington Steele'. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)