Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 26 Aug 05)

Really Bad Things They Are Looking For In a New James Bond Since Pierce Brosnan Is Out

What....Pierce Brosnan is gay?! (

Tom is too busy with Katie, thank God. (

A James Bond who'll take a martini anyway he can get it! ( Whaddya know...I'm qualified!

A one-eyed flying purple people eater. (

Cad auditioning under the name of Regina Moore. (

Someone who can do more than grab women and blow stuff up. Why can't they make a "chick" Bond film? ;) ( Blonde....Jane Blonde.

Someone who is good at playing a man-whore. (

A guy who can hold his breath under water for 10 minutes as he grabs a bottle of excellent champagne from a sunken ship, cuts the ropes that bind him and a beautiful woman together, introduces himself to the woman as "Bond, James Bond," and toasts his captors as he and the woman surface and escape. ( I think you just gave the plot of them the next one.

Somebody UNDER 40 for once!! (;

Anyone who can properly pronounce "neighbourhood". ( Rogers....Mister Rogers--no, wait, he's dead. NEXT!

In order to appeal to a wider audience, a Bond who'll seduce women AND men. (

Able to say a line like: "That doesn't make much cents, Miss Moneypenny..", and still keep a straight face. ( Hey, I read it and kept a straight face...does that count? ;)

Socially conscious actor who can look tough while ordering a Shirley Temple; shaken, not stirred. (

After shooting the bad guy with the new, multitasking mobile phone/gun/satellite GPS unit, asking wryly "Can you hear me now?" ( Again, another plot giveaway.

Another accent you can't recognize. (

Looking for someone who wants an oddjob.. ( Ummm....Hugh Grant? Yeah, yeah, it's an old scandal, sue me....

"So... Mr. Jackson... Samuel... you've played a Jedi, a crook, a cop, a crooked cop... how's your British Accent?" (

Simply something wickedly moore or laz! ( ...or some dalton the screen. Okay, it was supposed to sound like 'dolt'...just use an accent, okay??

"Ok...get Connery some Rogaine...!" (

The winners:

No wonder he'd rather it be shaken than stirred...

Wanted: Middle aged man, must have stick up his ass (

Please, PLEASE don't be referring to Doris Roberts...

Someone who can remember the name of Brosnan's hottie co-star on 'Remington Steele'. (