Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 26 Jun 04)

Really Bad 'Worthwhile' Causes

Teach a Bush to Read (mauibrothers04@yahoo.com) While a cause may be worthwhile...they don't always work.

Help the poor indigent surfers of Maui afford wax for their broken-down old surfboards. (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

NBA Players' Defense Fund - "Give until they can't say 'no' anymore." (deweyever@attbi.com)

Legalizing Gay Marriage Between Underaged Hamsters (khalazdad@adelphia.net) Why does this seem like something Congress would pass?

The Really Bad Toupee Awareness Foundation (davidgotribe@aol.com)

People for the Ethical Treatment of Paris Hilton (jaynashvil@aol.com)

Lobbying for a law to make it illegal to use fat people on those commercials for the Christian Children's' fund - "Hi, I'm Sally Struthers, and just 80 cents a day helps these poor, impoverished children learn new words to express their hate and envy of my fat ass." (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

Men for the Abolition of Chick Flicks (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com) Ah - taking ideas from other HMO contests...I'll have to finally read the disclaimer to see if that's allowed.

The Dodo Bird Rescue Society (MooseSpeak@netscape.net)

Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Sado-masochists (Pootybrew@gosemoose.com)

Save the Dung Beetles (scalpel@aol.com) Okay, but no "scratch'n'sniff" brochures in your campaign!

The Donald Trump Hair Makeover Fund (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

The March of Dime Bags (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

Prince Charles foundation for Save the Wales (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

Fix Liza Minnelli Up With A Straight Guy (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com) Again, while some causes might be worthwhile...they don't always work.

The "Pay Her Bills to Get Booty" fund. (tackajoey@aol.com)

"The Kids Who Will Die Tomorrow" fund. (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

The "Give Thirty-five Dollars to Read All About Bill Clinton's Life, Again" Cause. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Gee, Bob Dole is one bitter guy!

Alzheimer's Scrabble League (Seeker@vcoms.net)

The "Needles for Alcohol" exchange program. (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com) For sterilization AND drinking!

The Masochists' Crusade - Give 'Til it Hurts Us (Seeker@vcoms.net)

The winners:

"Just Say No To Crack"...

Spank No Child's Behind (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Finally, an idea I WANT to contribute money to!...

Kegger at Cad's! (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)