Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 26 Mar 03)

Really Bad Things to Say On Your 50th Wedding Anniversary
(Suggested by

So, what was your name? (

I just don't think I'm ready to commit. (

Damn. You still here? ( Stop, please, I'm getting all teary-eyed.

"We made it through the tough times, including the time I cheated on you."..."You What?"..."Oops!" (

Feels like 75! (

Think anybody would believe this marriage was never consummated. ( Think anyone wants to THINK about that??

"I don't know how I ever could have survived without Karen." "My name is Barbara!" "Yeah, I know..." (

Maybe it's the Alzheimer's talking, but maybe it's the Alzheimer's talking.... (sometimes recycled jokes are better the 2nd time around) (

Honey, I think we should start seeing other people. ( can start with the coroner.

I believe I've paid my debt to society. (

Wish we could do it all over again..this time I might be lucky enough for someone not to "Forever Hold Their Peace"! (

Er... honey? This is the 'wood' anniversary, right? ( Yes, as in "wood" you please die already???

Fifty years ago, I used to lay my head between your, your navel is there. (

Dear, I just traded you for these 25 year old twins, Happy Trails! (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

You look as lovely as the day I married you. Oh, that reminds me--I have cataract surgery scheduled Tuesday. ( Literally, a sight for sore eyes!

I have really enjoyed being married to Margie? NO!! Here it is on the cake!! Bill! No.. that's me.. are you sure this is right? (

Honey, when's dinner going to be ready? ( Such a romantic...I bet you say this every year.

Here's your gift my darling. I took out a new life insurance policy on you. (

Whoever thought "til death do us part" would take this long. (

"Ha ha...fifty more bucks from the boys, and the money keeps rolling in every year." (Joe's main source of income is the bet money he gets for staying married.) (

Husband to wife: "And I thought your Mother was an ugly old woman.." (

The winners:

Lucky bastard!

I remember our wedding day like it was yesterday. Fortunately, I've managed to forget the other 49 years, 364 days. (

He's only saying it because she can't hear him...

What's really golden is the opportunity I missed to stay single..fifty years ago! (