Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(Updated 27 Dec 04)
Really Bad Signs You Aren't Exactly a Pro When It Comes to Holiday Decorating
Can't hang your icicle lights yet because you don't have any icicles on the gutters. (email@example.com)
Empty wine bottles on every tree limb in front yard. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
A minute after I finished decorating the tree threw itself into the fireplace. (email@example.com) It was a mercy killing...
There's a star in the cat food and your cat has a tree up his ass. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
You're married. (Just testing your theory) (email@example.com) Smartass. But a smartass who actually reads my blurbies, at least.
You use a lawn jockey for one of the Three Wise Men. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Panty hose hung by the chimney with care. (email@example.com)
One of those pickup box trailers makes a good Santa sleigh on the front lawn. If it's up on blocks, looks even better. (firstname.lastname@example.org) It's a red SUIT, not a red NECK!
Lawyers gather across the street from your house and just wait for the accident. Side bets are taken whether it will be a ladder fall, electrocution or tumble from the roof. (email@example.com)
You watch "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" for the "how to's" and decorating ideas. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Your "tinsel" is just strips of used tinfoil from the bottom of the oven. (email@example.com) You mean the kind you have to actually peel off the bottom of the oven? They aren't good unless it's those kinds.
You put out a bowl of hotdogs and pennies for <Frankinsence> Okay I know this sucks but it made me laugh :) (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)
Aluminum, aluminum, aluminum!! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
This black cat sitting on a pumpkin looks very Christmas-y to me. (email@example.com) And look, Mrs. Claus is in her black dress, riding her holiday broom, and delivering the toys this year!!!
Uh, that's art - it's called "ball of Christmas lights". (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Metrosexual Santa doesn't seem to be too popular with the neighborhood. (email@example.com) But he was a hit at the Barney's New York window display...what gives????
Your neighbors offered to decorate your house again this year. (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com)
Your blinking lights say "LIVE NUDE GIRLS!" (firstname.lastname@example.org) Better than those dead ones, I always say.
The Santa outfit just doesn't seem to fit the SpongeBob SquarePants figure on your roof. (email@example.com)
The Christmas lights in the pool are a DEAD giveaway. (firstname.lastname@example.org) A play on words or are you trying to tell us something?
I just tell them the lights are unplugged, that's why they're not lit. (email@example.com)
Remember, during the holidays--good things come in small, small packages...
Stocking, jockstrap, whatever. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Just like a blinking clock - well, a digital one with the a.m./p.m. year/date thing on it...it's right once a year...
The kids say 'trick or treat' when you answer the door. (email@example.com)