Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 28 Dec 03)

Really Bad Predictions For 2004

That it's going to be EXACTLY like 2003! (

Saddam Hussein will not be found again this year. (

I'll win HMO contests more often; HMO prizes will get better. ( Well, one out of two isn't bad. ;)

I predict Charlton Heston will have a gun mishap...and it will be pried from his cold dead hands. (

"Humor Me Online" will become the most popular site on the web after origami HDTV'S are offered as prizes. (

The Turkey Guy will actually find love and have a good Christmas in 2004. ( I will?? errrr, I mean, he will??

Coming to theaters in 2004: Jason Vs. Dr. Evil (

John Edwards will father the love-child of Miss Cleo. The kid won't be able to talk to anyone on either "side," and will be a career criminal before it's out of nursery school. (

Osama Bin Laden will release a weight-loss tape series. It will involve walking around the mountains of Pakistan without food and water for two years. (

No celebrities will be in the news this year due to Americans' new found appreciation of ordinary people who make significant contributions to society. ( I predict you were dreaming when you typed this.

There will be a major earthquake in California, and none of the state will break off and fall into the ocean. (

There will be fluctuation in the price of soy milk! (

We will make a flying car!!! MWA HA HA! (

2004 will be the year the US finally makes it to the moon! ( Ha! Ralph Kramden already did this, sending his wife---numerous times!! (I know MY U.S. history...)

Madonna kisses Hillary Clinton at Democratic convention. (

The world will be astonished as Walt Disney's head is re-animated, placed upon a cloned Goofy body, and designs yet another theme park. (

In the next Harry Potter movie, no teenager will actually verbalize their horniness...causing many to doubt the realism of the sorcerous academy. (

Al Gore will get his wish and turn into a real boy! ( Just as long as we don't have to see him kiss his wife again, I'm all for it.

No one will care enough to do anything about our national apathy problem. (

Something Nostradamus said might come true. (

Ben and J-Lo will marry and live happily ever after (which is six months in J-Lo time). ( It'll just seem like eternity....

A lawyer will refuse to file a suit claiming, "Hey, accidents happen. No one's to blame." (

I predict that in early 2004 millions shall still write 2003 as the date. (

The winners:

And chances are he'll neverland in jail neither...

Michael Jackson will 'get off.' (

File this one under "Signs of Apocalypse"...

Gigli 2 becomes a box-office smash. (