Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 28 Jul 04)

Really Bad Rejected Scenes From The New Catwoman Movie

Every scene in the movie should have been rejected except for close-ups of Halle. (

The part where Sharon Stone's character grabs an ice pick and then gets shot by Anne Archer, who, along with Madonna holding a dripping candle, inexplicably appeared in the movie following a lightning strike that occurred when Halle Berry's cat eyes faded to a stark white. (

Eartha Kitt guest stars as Halle Berry's mother and does a love scene with Adam West including full-frontal nudity. ( Purrrrr-fectly disturbing!

Close-ups of Catwoman show that she is really stacked...close-ups of her kitty-litter box show the same thing! (

A representative from Price Waterhouse shows up to officially take back Halle Berry's Oscar. (

When she claws someone's back in bed, she really CLAWS SOMEONE'S BACK IN BED! ( Unfortunately, due to the fact she's afraid of water, there is no shower scene afterward.

The scene when Catwoman is asked what a Cadillac means to her, delivers this truly odious line: "A cadillac nasty if you step on its tail." (

Catwoman hacks up a hairball right after a meal which she must discretely hide as she is not in costume. (

A scene of Catwoman at the movies, watching "Garfield". ( Wow, so SHE was the one person who saw it...

Halle Berry sobbing hysterically: "Thank you, Lee Merriweather, Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt, Michelle Pfeiffer! I wouldn't be here today without you!!" (

Catwoman's building imposes a strict "no pets" policy, leaving her homeless. (

Catfight #7,329. ( And they spayed no expense on them...(hey, you try using "spayed" in a sentence).

Catwoman starts every morning caterwauling in an alley while alarm clocks, bottles and other household items are thrown at her. (

When Catwoman exacts her revenge on Bob Barker for 'ruining my life'. ( We feel your pain, Halle....we feel your pain.

A couple of scenes where she doesn't land on her feet. (

The scene where Billy-Bob Thornton shows up looking for more pussy. (

Catwoman gets stuck in a tree and is afraid to come down. (

Halle doing it doggy style with Benjamin Bratt. ( Speaking of doggy...anyone else besides me think that having Snoop Dog play her nemesis would have been funny?

A "death" scene that is repeated nine times. (

The winners:

I hear she does her own, oh, acting...

Thirty-minute scene of Halle resting on top of the TV, eventually falling off. (

This scene was cut due to time constraints...

The scene where Catwoman asks the villain to open the door so she can get out, then asks to be let back in, then let out, then let back in again, then let out... (