Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 29 Apr 04)

Really Bad Signs Your Workplace Doesn't Care Too Much About Safety

The company motto is: Quality is Job One; Safety is Somewhere on the List. (

Required safety seminars consists of watching the first season of "Jackass" on DVD. (

Every time you ask your boss where your hard hat is, he replies, "Order Viagra on your own time." (

The asbestos covered pipes are regularly sprayed with a mixture of formaldehyde and DDT so as to keep them looking fresh. ( Now also available in Agent Orange Citrus!!

The "x days without a workplace injury" sign has been replaced with the more positive "x days without killing anybody" sign. (

"Safety goggles" are just a pair of Groucho Marx glasses (

The door to the employee breakroom has a Biohazard symbol. (

The retinal imaging cameras were built by "3 Stooges, Inc." ( "Hey, this!"

The lost and found box has body parts in it. (

The boss puts up a poster called "Top Ten Signs Your Co-Worker is Gay," and Number 1 is "Leaves safety guards in place while using the table saw." (

Light sockets removed to allow for a fun game of "Who'll walk into the dangling bulbs today?" (

The boss tries to convince you that OSHA stands for "One Should Have Accidents". ( Okay, and Cad is holding that gigantic meat cleaver behind her back because....?

Memo: Don't forget the Organ Donor Drive this Friday. Drive safely until then. (

Instead of paintball, they sponsor weekend nailgun games. (

The cafeteria serves fresh shellfish...12 months a year. ( R you kidding?

Fire escape sold for scrap to cover stock losses. (

They have more defense attorneys than they do employees. (

When you get to the job site, and you notice that the Safety First Poster has a skull and crossbones, and underneath that it says... Yeah, Whatever... ( Maybe it's reverse psychology...

Ed, the safety director, is missing three fingers on his right hand. (

The office fire extinguisher is being used as a leg for the boss's desk. (

Sign: "251 Days With An Accident." ( ...but not one single reported fatality.

The most used piece of machinery is called a "mangle." (

Everyone's always willing to lend you a mechanical hand. (

A "buddy system" that has only has one rule "The survivor cleans out the other's desk." (

The winners:

That's only in case the candy has expired, silly...

Bathrooms equipped with body bag vending machines. (

Hey, wire you worried about this anyway...not like it's a shock to anyone...

Company electrician always flinches when he flips a light switch. (