Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(Updated 29 Apr 04)
Really Bad Signs Your Workplace Doesn't Care Too Much About Safety
The company motto is: Quality is Job One; Safety is Somewhere on the List. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Required safety seminars consists of watching the first season of "Jackass" on DVD. (email@example.com)
Every time you ask your boss where your hard hat is, he replies, "Order Viagra on your own time." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The asbestos covered pipes are regularly sprayed with a mixture of formaldehyde and DDT so as to keep them looking fresh. (HerzogVon@aol.com) Now also available in Agent Orange Citrus!!
The "x days without a workplace injury" sign has been replaced with the more positive "x days without killing anybody" sign. (email@example.com)
"Safety goggles" are just a pair of Groucho Marx glasses (Jdoveraz@aol.com)
The door to the employee breakroom has a Biohazard symbol. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The retinal imaging cameras were built by "3 Stooges, Inc." (email@example.com) "Hey, Moe...watch this!"
The lost and found box has body parts in it. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)
The boss puts up a poster called "Top Ten Signs Your Co-Worker is Gay," and Number 1 is "Leaves safety guards in place while using the table saw." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Light sockets removed to allow for a fun game of "Who'll walk into the dangling bulbs today?" (email@example.com)
The boss tries to convince you that OSHA stands for "One Should Have Accidents". (PastLivesR6@aol.com) Okay, and Cad is holding that gigantic meat cleaver behind her back because....?
Memo: Don't forget the Organ Donor Drive this Friday. Drive safely until then. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Instead of paintball, they sponsor weekend nailgun games. (email@example.com)
The cafeteria serves fresh shellfish...12 months a year. (firstname.lastname@example.org) R you kidding?
Fire escape sold for scrap to cover stock losses. (email@example.com)
They have more defense attorneys than they do employees. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
When you get to the job site, and you notice that the Safety First Poster has a skull and crossbones, and underneath that it says... Yeah, Whatever... (email@example.com) Maybe it's reverse psychology...
Ed, the safety director, is missing three fingers on his right hand. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The office fire extinguisher is being used as a leg for the boss's desk. (email@example.com)
Sign: "251 Days With An Accident." (firstname.lastname@example.org) ...but not one single reported fatality.
The most used piece of machinery is called a "mangle." (email@example.com)
Everyone's always willing to lend you a mechanical hand. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
A "buddy system" that has only has one rule "The survivor cleans out the other's desk." (email@example.com)
That's only in case the candy has expired, silly...
Bathrooms equipped with body bag vending machines. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)
Hey, wire you worried about this anyway...not like it's a shock to anyone...
Company electrician always flinches when he flips a light switch. (firstname.lastname@example.org)