Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 29 Mar 03)

Really Bad "Lord Of The Rings" Sequels They Will Do When They Run Out of Books Written by J.R.R. Tolkien

The Lord of the Rings: All Rung Out (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

Michael Flatley stars in "The Lord of the Dance of the Rings" (atwright73@yahoo.com) Yes, unfortunately, this one will be used until the end of time.

"Lord Of The Rings: Fellowship Of The Jackass": An exceptional movie with great casting and special effects, where Gandalf and Frodo go amongst the races of the planet, pulling pranks on people, and doing incredibly stupid stunts. (The_PaF@Hotmail.com)

The Lord of The Rings Seeks The Heavy Weight Title of the World (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

Gollum Does Dallas (madavis62@alltel.net) Okay, the mental picture of this is really disturbing.

The Lord of the Rings: Friendship, Graduation, Engagement, Wedding, Onion, Bathtub...Whatever! (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

Lord of the Rings: The Search for Bilbo bin Laden (ABigBlackPanther@aol.com)

Lord of the Rings: Playmate with the Two Towers (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com) Hmmmm...you sure this isn't starring Ron Jeremy?

Lord of the Ring Around the Collar (jrrkath@hotmail.com)

An as-yet-untitled piece of dreck featuring Rocky Balboa, the dog from the "Beethoven" movies, Jar-Jar Binks, a deaf Elf, and three unsanitary bisexual Hobbits. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Lord of the Rings: the Tidy-Bowl Adventures (skibip@aol.com) The messiest adventure of all!

My Big Fat Greek Hobbit (whoismaximus@socal.rr.com)

Lord of The Rings: Attack of the Clones (Jdoveraz@aol.com; SSJskittle@aol.com)

Lord of the Rings: The Musical (changetion@yahoo.com) Or as Bob Fosse woulda called it: "Pippin II".

"Operation Freedom Rings!": Watch as President Bush declares war on middle earth. He proclaims Gandalf as evil and promises there is a Moab with his name on it. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)

The Lord of the Rings: For Dummies (mistergee@earthlink.net) Uhhhhh...nevermind.

"Culturally and Religiously Tolerant Semi-Deity of the Rings" (WillyTheTunaFish@aol.com)

"Lord of the Rings Meets the Ring": Frodo falls down a well and meets up with a little dead girl. They join forces and go on a killing spree. (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com) "Everyone will suffer...in the audience."

Who Shot J.R.R? (HappyTrails@aol.com)

Frodo and Samwise Meet The Mummy (laugh@starpower.net)

The Winners:

This just might end up being the last ride Pippin Took...

Mordor on the Orthanc Express (laugh@starpower.net)

Sometimes, a short, barefoot Hobbit and a cute, perky blonde CAN just be friends:

When Gollum Met Sally (guitartexn@aol.com)