Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 2 Oct 03)

Really Bad Signs You Might Be a Tad Too Insensitive

You're the envy of every attorney you know. (

You bring a keg to the funeral home and ask to move the casket because it's "in the way". (

Girlfriend told me something about not paying enough attention to her, I'm not sure exactly what it was, I wasn't listening. (

Anytime someone gets hurt you just tell them to "walk it off". ( I told my son that just this past weekend.

You tell your wife that it's not the pants, but her big fat ass, that makes her look fat. (

You're one of Rush Limbaugh's references. (

Thought "Brian's Song" was a comedy. ( Hey, Billy Dee Williams was in it...are you saying that it wasn't a comedy?

You quote Arnold Schwarzenegger at a League of Women Voters meeting. (

You let your employee leave work an hour early for his son's funeral, but remind him to log it against his personal leave. (

You laughed when you saw an eldery man fall off his scooter. ( Actually it was Dubya...and it was a Segway.

Wife says: "I love you honey." Your reply: "About a quarter past five." (

While pointing and laughing, you say things like "hee hee...that looks like it hurts" during your wife's labor. ( See how funny it is when the kid ends up resembling the mailman.

Your best friend gets dumped by his girlfriend, and you try to console him by saying, "You're better off, man. Every guy in town was banging her. Even me." (

You dangle your children by their ankles over the crocodile exhibit at the zoo to "build character". Or maybe that was just MY dad.... ( Sis?

Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that a toady, insignificant, stupid sycophant like you was addressing ME. (

The winners:

Hey, Weight Watchers...WalMart...same difference...

You get your daughter's Girl Scout troop to sell cookies outside the local Weight Watchers because you know you'll make a killing. (

I think Dennis Leary wrote a song about you:

You watch "It's a Wonderful Life", and root for Mr. Potter. (