Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 2 Sep 04)

Really Bad Signs You Are Way Ahead of Your Time
(Topic suggested by

See my submission for last week's contest. (

You're the only one in the United ticket line booking passage to Neptune. (

The crispy $20 bills you just made have the year 2010 printed on them. ( Still more believable than that $200 one with Dubya.

You age in dog years. (

I invented the duck manicure. Trust me, in 2035 you'll understand and realize I am brilliant. (

Your last garage sale put you in a higher tax bracket. ( I always knew the remains of Jimmy Hoffa would come in handy, someday!

You set your watch six hours ahead. (

You just stepped out of your DeLorean and fell 40 feet because you didn't park it right. ( No no no - that's the Top Ten contest.

Your movie and music collection won't play on any machine at the store yet. (

You designed your own personal web page... in 1974. (

I've got the seven year itch...and I've only been married 2 years! ( LOL, she's a....oh, you said ITCH....

Everyone thinks you're an idiot, except mental patients, who think you're a genius. (

No one, not even HMO, will print your manifesto on why soap should be banned from the world. (marymarg27608@yahoocom)

Dumped "Toys R Us" stock in 2000. ( Ha! I'm so much further ahead than you - I never even bought any to start with!

At first everyone laughed and pointed at my Mohawk toupee, but they all started to get used to it after awhile. (

Only Mom supports your plan to dispose of toxic waste by making it edible. (

You read tomorrow's horoscope to see how your day was yesterday. ( But only on the days you were passed out.

You're already making jokes about Hillary Clinton's presidency. (

Bald at age twenty. (; That's not so bad...if you're an athlete.

I already hate this fall's new TV shows. (

A ghostly apparition of Ernie Kovacs comes to you and says, "Damn, you're weird!" ( With or without the monkeys?

The winners:

It's better than when they gave me noogies and called me 'McFly'...

Wise-asses greet you with, "Well, if it ain't Doctor Emmett L. Brown. How's your jigowatts, Doc?" (

Aha! You can't fool me...there were no fashions in the 90s!...

Already wearing early 90's fashions again. (