Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 30 Aug 03)

Really Bad Ways To Help Shrink the Deficit

Make the one dollar bill 100% smaller than the hundred dollar bill. (tackajoey@aol.com)

I propose we convert to Canadian currency and shrink the deficit 35% - instantly! (razcactus@netzero.com) What a really good plan, ay.

Mortgage Boardwalk and Park Place. (FreeLooseDirt@sbcglobal.net)

Raise gasoline prices to 5 dollars a gallon. (Sugarbaybee69@aol.com)

Charge White House tourists fifty cents for a piggyback ride from "Uncle" Dick Cheney. (joseph.blevins@verizon.net) Uh, yeah...that's the ticker...er... ticket.

That wacky invention used by Rick Moranis in "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids." (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Legalize pot and prostitution and tax heavily. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

Cart it to "The World Series of Poker", wait till you get a 4 - 9, unsuited, and go "all in". (HerzogVon@aol.com) Okay, but absolutely NO strip poker!

Anoint the maker of Preparation H as Special Assistant to Greenspan. (artochsen1@comcast.net)

Show nude pictures of Hillary Clinton.. it would make parts of me shrink. (smmfd1@aol.com)

Sell North Dakota to Canada. (FreeLooseDirt@sbcglobal.net) Yeah...so you've made about $350...now what?

Get rid of the secret service...everybody knows about them anyway. (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com)

I WOULD say "Make the rich and the corporations pay their fair share in taxes," but that would be egalitarian of me... and nobody in Congress knows what that means. (coillteach_bard @earthlink.net)

Open a Congressional Thrift Store. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Can you really sell intangible things like bribes?

Hire two guys named "Vic" and "Bruno" to collect from debtor nations. (joseph.blevins@verizon.net)

Have George W. Bush put a quarter in a jar every time he lies, says something stupid or mispronounces a word. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net) Wouldn't that lead to a quarter shortage?

"Need a penny - Take a penny; Got a penny - Give a penny." (Cups placed by cash registers) (clane12@bellsouth.net)

Stop catering food for Ted Kennedy. (forms@beige.f2s.com) Hell, his open bar tab itself must be astronomical!

Sell one of the less important states...Delaware, maybe. (Omegamagezero@aol.com)

New IRS tax form, 1040BET - A "Double or Nothing" game of chance. (Jdoveraz@aol.com)

The winners:

Isn't this how they paid for college, too?

Hold an auction where an 'illicit night' with the Bush twins is sold to the highest bidder. (Ososexilexi@aol.com)

Even tho it's a crappy idea...it still holds water...

Increase cash flow by printing currency on toilet paper. (clane12@bellsouth.net)